IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future

It is crucial that
people
Use synonyms
, even adolescents, start saving
money
Use synonyms
 for future purposes. I strongly agree, as not only does it make the quality of one’s life more enhanced, but
also
Linking Words
 aids
people
Use synonyms
 in unfortunate scenarios requiring costly medical intervention. It is of high significance that anyone should save
money
Use synonyms
 in order to have a better quality of life in the future. It is through the capital they developed through savings, that individuals could facilitate a better environment for themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 take a proportion of their income and withhold from spending it will have a bigger capital that would enable them to rent a bigger apartment with better services that would make life easier for them. If
this
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 person
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 not been saving for a long time, they would not have
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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afforded
this
Linking Words
 luxury.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 grow their savings accounts over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 can make use of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in cases of a medical emergency. As
people
Use synonyms
 become older their health status starts to decline requiring expensive medical operations that can be very costly. For
such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
, the presence of emergency funds could help finance these medical situations which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 avoid
disasterous
Correct your spelling
disastrous
 consequences;
such
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 as death.
For example
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, a middle-aged man with an average paycheck can not afford to pay for
a
Remove the article
apply
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surgery as his financial
portofolio
Correct your spelling
portfolio
 would be impacted significantly rendering him unable to provide for himself after the operation.
However
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, the
money
Use synonyms
 he has been saving for some time can be used to cover most of the expenses,
thus
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 facilitating a better recovery without the burden of bankruptcy.
To conclude
Linking Words
, It is crucial that
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the future,
money
Use synonyms
 should be saved by everyone including the youth. I completely agree as savings can prove to be very productive in cases of health issues that require expensive procedures on a limited budget.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it enables
people
Use synonyms
 to buy better cars and living areas which they could not have afforded without these saved financials

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task achievement
Try to have a clearer introduction that states your main points more directly. This will help the reader know what to expect.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to separate your ideas into clear paragraphs. This will help your essay flow better and make it easier to follow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that relate directly to your main points. This will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Your essay effectively emphasizes the importance of saving money for future needs.
task achievement
You have included relevant points about health and quality of life, which are important themes.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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