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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

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The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
The graphs illustrate the percentage of
water
Use synonyms
 used for three purposes
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
industrial
Verb problem
are industrial
show examples
 , agricultural and domestic use
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 six areas of the world.
Overall
Linking Words
, Africa, Central,
south east
Correct your spelling
Southeast
Asia
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
south
Fix capitalization
South
show examples
America
Use synonyms
 model similar
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 used that agriculture filed accounts for the largest proportion，followed by
domestic
Correct article usage
the domestic
show examples
 and industrial filed is the least.
Contrast
Change preposition
In contrast
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,
north
Fix capitalization
North
show examples
America
Use synonyms
 and Europe have
similarity about the
Replace the word
a similar
 percentage of
water
Use synonyms
 used.
Industrial
Correct article usage
The industrial
show examples
 sector is the highest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 proportion
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
agricultural
Correct article usage
the agricultural
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ranks
Check wording
sector ranks
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 second
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
domestic
Correct article usage
the domestic
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 ranks bottom.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we can view in Africa, central
Asia
Use synonyms
, south east
Asia
Use synonyms
 and
south
Fix capitalization
South
show examples
America
Use synonyms
 agricultural
used
Replace the word
use
 of
Use synonyms
water
Punctuation problem
water,
show examples
that account of
Wrong verb form
accounting for
show examples
 the most
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 71% to 88%,with central
Asia
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 the highest at 88%.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
central
Change preposition
in central
show examples
Asia
Use synonyms
 and
south east
Correct your spelling
south-east
Use synonyms
Asia
Punctuation problem
Asia,
show examples
 the percentage of
water
Use synonyms
 used
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the same at 7%.
Finally
Linking Words
,
north
Fix capitalization
North
show examples
America
Use synonyms
 and Europe
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
account for the most of
Use synonyms
water
Correct article usage
the water
show examples
 used
between
Punctuation problem
, between
show examples
 48% and 53%
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
show examples
aspect
Check wording
sector,
show examples
 with Europe
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 the
most
Rephrase
apply
show examples
highest at 53%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, asia, america with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • irrigation
  • domestic
  • industrial
  • regional disparity
  • economic structure
  • sustainable management
  • water-scarce
  • population density
  • urbanization
  • data trends
  • resource allocation
  • percentage distribution
  • extremes
  • variations
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