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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of
water
Use synonyms
 usage in industry,
agriculture
Use synonyms
 and family in North
America
Use synonyms
,South
America
Use synonyms
,
Europe
Use synonyms
,
Africa
Use synonyms
,Central
Asia
Use synonyms
 and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,the ratio of
water
Use synonyms
 used for
agriculture
Use synonyms
 is the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 in
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of continents.Meanwhile,industrial
use
Use synonyms
 is primary in North
America
Use synonyms
 and
Europe
Use synonyms
. In Central
Asia
Use synonyms
,there is the highest
water
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
use
Punctuation problem
use,
show examples
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 up 88 per cent in
agriculture
Use synonyms
.
With
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Africa
Use synonyms
, South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 and South
America
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 quite
Use synonyms
water
Correct word choice
high water
show examples
 consumption is 84%,81% and 77% respectively
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
agriculture
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,the percentage of
water
Use synonyms
 used for industry is the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 in
Europe
Use synonyms
 and North
America
Use synonyms
 and
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 up 53% and 48% respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
,North
America
Use synonyms
 and
Europe
Use synonyms
 consume 39% and 32% of
water
Use synonyms
 in
agriculture
Use synonyms
.
With
Change preposition
apply
show examples
South East
Asia
Use synonyms
,South
America
Use synonyms
,
Africa
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 Central
Asia
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 12%,10%,7% and 5%
water
Use synonyms
 in industry.After that,the ratio of
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 in home is the least
account
Correct subject-verb agreement
accounts
show examples
 for 15%,13% and 7% in
Europe
Use synonyms
,North
America
Use synonyms
 and
South East
Use the right word
Southeast
show examples
Use synonyms
Asia
Punctuation problem
Asia,
show examples
 respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
,South
America
Use synonyms
,
Africa
Use synonyms
 and Central
Asia
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 19%,9% and 7% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, agriculture, america, europe, africa, asia, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • irrigation
  • domestic
  • industrial
  • regional disparity
  • economic structure
  • sustainable management
  • water-scarce
  • population density
  • urbanization
  • data trends
  • resource allocation
  • percentage distribution
  • extremes
  • variations
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