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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
The pie charts compare the
proportion
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 of
water
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utilization
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utilisation
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volumn
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volume
 of 3 fields in six different
areas
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 around the world.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that
majority
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the majority
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 of
water
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 is used in agriculture in
south
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South
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american
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America
,
africa
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Africa
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,
central
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Central Asia
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asia
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 and
south-east
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Southeast Asia
asia
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.
However
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, industrial
use
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 accounts for the x% highest
proportion
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 of
water
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use
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 in
north
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North America
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america
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 and
europe
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Europe
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. In
south
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South America
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america
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,
africa
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Africa
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 two
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asia
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Asian
areas
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, agricultural
water
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use
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 makes up the largest
proportion
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Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 their industrial
use
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grows
Verb problem
apply
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rank
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ranks
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last
Linking Words
, except
south-east
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South-East Asia
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asia
Punctuation problem
asia,
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 whose industrial
use
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 constitutes 12%.
However
Linking Words
, domestic
water
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use
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 in
south-east
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South-East Asia
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asia
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 just accounts for 7% which is equal to the
perentage
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percentage
 of that in
central
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Central Asia
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asia
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.
In addition
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, the
proportion
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 of domestic
water
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use
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 in
south
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South America
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america
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 is the highest among the four
areas
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, accounting for 19%, which is double the
proportion
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 of industrial
use
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. By
contrasts
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contrast
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, in
north
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North America
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america
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 and
europe
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Europe
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, industry uses the highest amount of
water
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, comprising 48% and 53% respectively. But
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 domestic
use
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 constitutes the lowest
proportion
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 in both
areas
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. In
north
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North America
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america
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, domestic
use
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 accounts for 13% which
just is
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is just
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 one-third of the
perentage
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percentage
 of its agricultural
use
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 counterpart, and in
europe
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Europe
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,
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proportion
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the proportion
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 of agricultural
use
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 doubles that of domestic
use
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, water, areas, asia, use, america with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 7 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • irrigation
  • domestic
  • industrial
  • regional disparity
  • economic structure
  • sustainable management
  • water-scarce
  • population density
  • urbanization
  • data trends
  • resource allocation
  • percentage distribution
  • extremes
  • variations
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