IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The issue of
ideal
Correct article usage
an ideal
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 has been discussed widely.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there are many ways that help to create
ideal
Add an article
an ideal
the ideal
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society
Use synonyms
 . On the one hand, citizens attempt to construct
optimal
Add an article
an optimal
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society
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
through
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 different methods.
First,
Linking Words
they try to encourage a
workteam
Correct your spelling
work team
 as it helps to
strength
Replace the word
strengthen
show examples
 social
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
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 and
strength
Replace the word
strengthen
show examples
 communication.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the
community
Use synonyms
 will be more cooperative and voluntary. Increasing greenhouse
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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is play
Wrong verb form
plays
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 a crucial role
to create
Change preposition
in creating
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 a perfect
community
Use synonyms
 because assists in decreasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
environmental problems like air pollution. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
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, the environment will be more eco-friendly which impact positively on
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
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 health and
reducing of
Wrong verb form
reduce
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 diseases
such
Linking Words
 as lung cancer.
Moreover
Linking Words
, improvement in education and health care
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 essential for
Use synonyms
community
Add an article
the community
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 because enhancement will affect on healthcare and economy of
Use synonyms
community
Add an article
the community
a community
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. To explain, if individuals are educated will innovate technologies that help medical care
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 in their diagnosis and treatment.
As a result
Linking Words
, the life expectation of people will increase.
In addition
Linking Words
, governments should encourage using public transportation to reduce traffic and emission of gases which might affect
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
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 and global
warm
Replace the word
warming
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. In my opinion, living in
ideal
Correct article usage
an ideal
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community
Use synonyms
 is
unrealistic
Correct article usage
an unrealistic
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 idea because governments and countries can support
to build
Change the verb form
building
show examples
optimal
Correct article usage
an optimal
show examples
 environment for their populations. In conclusion, a model
community
Use synonyms
 has many advantages not only for citizens but
also
Linking Words
 for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. I encourage all authorities to start thinking about how to create
optimal
Add an article
an optimal
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 for their residents.

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task response
Your essay needs a clearer introduction that outlines your main points. This helps the reader understand your argument better.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly. This improves the flow of your essay.
task response
Make sure to give more specific examples to support your points. This makes your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
You presented several ideas on how to create an ideal society, which shows your understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points well, which is important for leaving a good final impression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ideal society
  • equality
  • social justice
  • sustainable practices
  • community engagement
  • economic stability
  • cultural diversity
  • accessible healthcare
  • fair justice system
  • educational opportunities
  • environmental sustainability
  • active participation
  • inclusive society
What to do next:
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