IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people belive that too many resources and attention are devoted to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is indisputable that protection of the wildlife is essential for the environment.
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 are convinced that the dedicated efforts for the ecosystem are sufficient,
this
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 essay firmly disagrees with their position, as other measures should be devoted to
protect
Change the verb form
protecting
show examples
 the wild creatures. One key reason for
this
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 is that there is a serious gap in strict policies to deter individuals from committing any violations,
such
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 as illegal hunting.
For instance
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, in India, tigers are now facing the threat of extinction
due to
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 poaching by locals in India who utilise their skins in different manufacturing.
Nevertheless
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, the local authorities did not address the situation with strict laws, resulting in exacerbating the problem. Another point to consider is that wild animals and
Use synonyms
birds
Change noun form
birds'
bird's
show examples
 roles are critical for the biodiversity of the area, and not allocating the required resources to protect them could lead to negative consequences. To illustrate,
birds
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
play
show examples
 a vital part in protecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crops from insects as they
are feeding
Wrong verb form
feed
show examples
 on them;
hence
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, decreasing the
Use synonyms
birds
Change to a genitive case
bird's
birds'
show examples
 number could affect the food quantity for
people
Use synonyms
 as their crops will be dominated by insects. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different viewpoints, I tend to believe that governments should devote additional efforts and resources to protect wildlife, as its impact is significant on
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
Therefore
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, I recommended implementing some strict regulations that aim to increase the protection
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 wild animals and
birds
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to provide clear reasons and explanations for each point you make. This will help your essay to be more coherent.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments, as this will help strengthen your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, and your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.
Task Achievement
You have presented a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for expressing your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Your essay includes relevant information about the importance of wildlife protection, which helps to support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • conservation
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • extinction
  • wildlife tourism
  • resource allocation
  • habitats
  • sustainable development
  • environmental education
  • charismatic species
  • international collaboration
  • invasive species
  • poaching
  • endangered/threatened
  • conservation efforts
  • wildlife management
  • conservation biology
  • ecological balance
  • species preservation
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • animal welfare
  • ecotourism
  • genetic diversity
  • natural heritage
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