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Writing Samples
Band 3

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with prediction for 2030 and 2040. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with prediction for 2030 and 2040. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The data provides information about the proportion of
population
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the population
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 living in cities across four Asian countries starting from 1970 until 2020, with a prediction of how those percentages would become in 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, all four countries have increased from 1970 to 2020, and are expected to increase even more in 2040.
However
Linking Words
, Malaysia and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 saw a bigger rise when compared to
Thailand
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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.
Although
Linking Words
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 started with the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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 back in 1970, it is predicted that they are going to overtake second place by the year 2040,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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 will remain in first place. Two of the four countries saw a significant rise both in the first period
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and in the 20-year prediction for the future.
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
The Philippines
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 had 30% back in 1970
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and had a steady rise until 1970,
then
Linking Words
 it started to increase and is set to end the fourth decade of the millennium with more than 80%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Indonesia
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 began with just above 10% and is thought to end 2040 with more than sixfold
of
Change preposition
apply
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what they started with. Even though
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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 and
Thailand
Use synonyms
 did not have the same substantial surge, they still had a notable increase. With
Thailand
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 starting just below 20%, they are set to end
with
Change preposition
at
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 around 50%,
however
Linking Words
, in 2000
Thailand
Use synonyms
 had almost an identical percentage as
Indonesia
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
Philippines
Use synonyms
 had the steadiest growth in the graph, with a starting percentage of just above 30%
that is
Linking Words
 set to become just over 50% by the time we reach 2040.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words indonesia, thailand, philippines with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "set" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • percentage
  • population
  • predictions
  • significant increase
  • dramatic rise
  • urban population
  • industrial growth
  • economic development
  • steady growth
  • urban migration
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