In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as role models and they are having an increasing influence on the young.

In contemporary society, many young

people

Use synonyms

consider celebrities as role models.

While

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some support

this

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admiration, others argue that it may exert a harmful influence on adolescents.

This

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essay will discuss both perspectives before explaining why I personally side with the latter view. On the one hand, setting well-known individuals as an example to follow can offer some distinctive benefits for

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation.

Firstly

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, there are several famous

people

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who have underprivileged and humble backgrounds achieving distinguished success

Change preposition

through

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their relentless effort, passion and perseverance.

Such

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people

Use synonyms

can be a good example for young

people

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to follow and overcome obstacles in life.

For instance

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athelete

Correct your spelling

athletes

like Serena Willam

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

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emphasized

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apply

show examples

discipline and passion in the process of reaching her goals,

aspired

Verb problem

inspiring

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people

Use synonyms

to consistently follow their dreams.

Moreover

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, many celebrities have taken advantage of their social media accounts to call for assistance to tackle pressing social issues, encouraging the youth to contribute positively to society.

On the other hand

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, youngsters are immature and easily affected by their idols during their growing up as they often mimic their idols to demonstrate their identity and satisfy their ego.

Therefore

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, famous individuals can adversely impact

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the young if they engage in controversial

behaviors

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behaviours

show examples

such

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as gambling or alcohol abuse.

In addition

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, most of them frequently chase flashy,

luxious

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luxurious

and unhealthy

life styles

Correct your spelling

lifestyles

show examples

, which emphasize

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apply

show examples

materialism and consumerism, making the young

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

feel unsatisfied with their life and

tieing

Verb problem

tie

show examples

their self-esteem to material wealth. In conclusion, having

crush

Add an article

a crush

show examples

on famous

people

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and setting them as role models would benefit the young in terms of passion and perseverance.

Howerver

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However

, I believe that

family

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families

show examples

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

and educators should teach their children critical evaluation when choosing their role models in order to curb

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

negative influences.

danhduc141100

Jul 1, 2025

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task response

Your essay has a clear argument but could be more balanced. Consider adding more points for both sides.

coherence and cohesion

Separate your ideas into clear paragraphs. This will help readers follow your argument.

grammar

Make sure to check for small spelling mistakes like 'Williams' and 'however'. These can distract readers.

content

You provide a thoughtful examination of both sides of the argument.

content

Your examples, like that of Serena Williams, are relevant and support your main ideas well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as role models and they are having an increasing influence on the young.

Your opinion

There are more families having only one child in the modern days. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, women now are able to join the armed forces on equal basis with men. However, some people feel that only men should be members of the army, navy or Air Force. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some scientists believe that studying the behaviors of 3-year-old children can predict their criminality. To what extent do you think a crime is a product of human nature or is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?