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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the process for producing olive oil. Provide an overview of the information by identifying and describing the key details, and include comparisons where appropriate.the diagram shows

The diagram below shows the process for producing olive oil. Provide an overview of the information by identifying and describing the key details, and include comparisons where appropriate.the diagram shows
The picture depicts the steps involved in producing
olivess
Correct your spelling
olives
olive
 in industries
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the picture is that there are eight main stages in the diagram, from collecting the
olives
Use synonyms
 to delivering
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 the storetore and selling
Correct pronoun usage
them topeople
show examples
topeople
Correct your spelling
to people
. .In the initial step, on the farm, workers use the rake to collect the
olives
Use synonyms
 on the plant,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
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 which are
storedd
Correct your spelling
stored
 in the vat
for2
Correct your spelling
for
to
Change preposition
up to
show examples
 3 days.
Then
Linking Words
,
olives
Use synonyms
 are put into a
factoryry
Correct your spelling
factory
 to
makeil
Correct your spelling
make
. Once having been washed
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 cool water,
olives
Use synonyms
 are crushed by a
a
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
three-weight hammer in order to
removelive
Correct your spelling
remove
 stones to a
containerer
Correct your spelling
container
 and
createlive
Correct your spelling
create
paste
Correct article usage
a paste
show examples
 for the next step. .If you look at the picture, you can see that paste made of
olives
Use synonyms
 is brought into a machine
thatcan
Correct your spelling
that can
 use
hydraulic
Correct article usage
a hydraulic
show examples
 press and filter paste
throughrough
Correct your spelling
throughout
through rough
 many layers to
makehe
Correct your spelling
make
firstirst
Correct your spelling
thirstiest
oil
Use synonyms
. After that,
this
Linking Words
oil
Use synonyms
 is transferred to a
centrifugege
Correct your spelling
centrifuge
 for spinning and separating.
This
Linking Words
 step helps people filter
oil
Use synonyms
 and water still in
oil
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
they pack
oil
Use synonyms
 into the bottle.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
oil
Use synonyms
 is transported to the store to serve the needs of consumers.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words olives, oil with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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