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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first chart shows the percentage of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house). The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.

The first chart shows the percentage of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house). The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.
The chart constitutes information about the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of doing household chores of women and
men
Use synonyms
 and
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of time each gender spent on each task per day.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 women
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 more time
in
Change preposition
apply
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cooking than
men
Use synonyms
 in both comparatives,
men
Use synonyms
 were more busy with
house
Use synonyms
 repairs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with cooking, 80
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of cooking
to be
Change the verb form
is
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 done by
females
Use synonyms
 in comparison to
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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with 60
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.
Likewise
Linking Words
, cleaning
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 done
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 60
percentage
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
females
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
men
Correct word choice
and men
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 did
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
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40%. Pet care was done by both genders respectively reached
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20%. The
last
Linking Words
house
Use synonyms
 chore is
house
Use synonyms
 repairing.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, it was most commonly
did
Wrong verb form
done
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 by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with 20%. Surprisingly,
females
Use synonyms
 didn’t take any responsibility in that field. When it comes to required
hours
Use synonyms
 for doing household chores,
females
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 spent more than 80
hours
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cooking on a daily basis. It means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
cooking
Correct word choice
that cooking
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 was
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 common task among families to do
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
Females
Use synonyms
 were slightly greater than
men
Use synonyms
 in cleaning the
house
Use synonyms
. They
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cleaned the
house
Use synonyms
60
Change preposition
for 60
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the same disparity persists in taking care of
house
Use synonyms
 animals. Approximately, they spent 20
hours
Use synonyms
. For
house
Use synonyms
repairing
Replace the word
repair
show examples
, males spent 20
hours
Use synonyms
,
on the contrary
Linking Words
,
females
Use synonyms
didn’t do nothing
Rewrite the sentence
didn’t do anything
did nothing
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with
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 field. The gap becomes noticeable.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, men, house, females, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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