Some people say that punishment is the best way to teach children to behave well,while others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better.Discuss both views and give your opinion

On the one hand,
while
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someone
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
claims
Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
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that
punishment
Use synonyms
is a brilliant approach for these spoiled children, others state
punishment
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may bring permanent mental damage. In my opinion, discipline is allowed;
however
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, it should only be done with restraint.
This
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means we have to use it appropriately.
For example
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, when a child steals something without any remorse, severe
punishment
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should be
exerted
Verb problem
imposed
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. Because
this
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crime could be a potential problem for society in the future. Strictly speaking, it should be corrected instantly with any form of measure.
On the other hand
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, there were several research
indicated
Wrong verb form
indicating
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that laud and
prise
Correct your spelling
praise
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indeed increase the future performance of those award owners.
Moreover
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, compared to the
punishment
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, friendly and genuine interaction could strongly help parents to build an intimate relationship with
kids
Correct pronoun usage
their kids
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. But, here is a drawback which should not be ignored. Everyone likes to be complimented;
nevertheless
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, some people may lose their initial faith and ambition when they drop in the full achievement.
For instance
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, a famous case in the world. A young boy who had an incredible talent in music eventually failed in his life. When his father found him over-average performance, he held many concerts to earn tremendous wealth.
Although
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the father bought lots of rewards for that little boy. After consecutive exhibitions, the poor child lost millions of applauses and threw his goal and motivation, ultimately. As far as I am concerned, there are both advantages and disadvantages to each means. The best approach is to examine them by yourself since there could be billions of situations in
this
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world. The only thing is to find out which way is suitable for your own family.

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task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, but it could be clearer and more organized. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly. For example, use linking words like 'however', 'moreover', and 'on the other hand' to improve flow.
task achievement
Make sure to give clear examples that support your ideas. Some examples were not very clear or relevant to the point being made.
content
You have included interesting points and examples about both punishment and praise.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • reward
  • reinforcement
  • discipline
  • boundary
  • behavior
  • self-esteem
  • motivation
  • intrinsic
  • consequence
  • fear
  • anxiety
  • resentment
  • positive learning environment
  • balanced approach
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