IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

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There is a widely held view that there is a great deal of the young who prefer to spend the majority of their
time
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 with their friends and they are not really interested in having fun with their family members and their
parents
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. There are various reasons for
this
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 issue. The following paragraphs will discuss
this
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 matter and suggest some strategies to tackle
this
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 problem.
To begin
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 with, One of the main reasons why it is trending that adolescents are now spending more
time
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 outdoors with their peers rather than with their families is that their
parents
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 choose to lead work-oriented lifestyles over those that are dedicated to families. When the amount of
time
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 spent with families is not proportionated with that spent on working, many
parents
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 fail to provide enough
time
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 to bond with their offspring, and
as a result
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,
children
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 turn to their friends to enjoy their free
time
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.
For instance
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, rather than staying indoors, many affluent Gen Z in different parts of the world are usually seen hanging out at cafes or going to a movie with friends during the weekend. There is a wide range of strategies that can be used to arrest
this
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 trend.
According to
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 psychologists and medical experts,
children
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 should not be forcefully banned from outdoor activities. Doing so would limit their freedom to explore the world and potentially hinder them from transforming into the person they want to be in the future.
For example
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, many schoolchildren in high school always volunteer in various charity events in order to help the communities
as well as
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 explore what they really want to do in life.From the general public, adolescents with
this
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 kind of mindset would grow into well-rounded citizens, contributing significantly to their societies and their nation.
To conclude
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, mainly because of the
parents
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’ busy working schedule which does not enable them to spend sufficient
time
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 with their offspring, resulting in them choosing to go out with their peers. Even though it is believed that
children
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 should stay home and bond with their
parents
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, I do not think that it is right to keep
children
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 indoors all the
time
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 as exposing them to the outside world would enable them to achieve self-realisation, and in the end, are determined to attain their future goals.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity of the argument by providing more specific reasons for the trend, such as the impact of technology or social media.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure all ideas are clearly linked to each other and enhance the flow of the essay. Consider using more cohesive devices.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear understanding of the topic and discusses various relevant points.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical flow in paragraphs, which aids readability and helps the reader follow the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic commitments
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Technology and social media
  • Peer acceptance
  • Independence
  • Family dynamics
  • Cultural norms
  • Individualism
  • Parental enforcement
  • Family bonds
  • Social development
  • Autonomy versus guidance
What to do next:
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