Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Some
people
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think that the most important thing about being rich is you can help other
people
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. I agree with
this
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opinion in some way, but
also
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I believe there are other good reasons to be rich.
First,
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it is true that rich
people
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can help
others
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more. They have a lot of
money
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so they can give to poor
people
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,
donate
Correct word choice
and donate
show examples
to schools or hospitals.
This
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is very useful because many
people
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don’t have food, water or
home
Correct article usage
a home
show examples
.
For example
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, Bill Gates is a rich man and he
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
a lot of
money
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to help
people
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in Africa.
This
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show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
that rich
people
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can do big things for the world. But, not all rich
people
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help
others
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. Some
people
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get rich because they work hard and want to make
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life for their family. They want to buy
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
house, go
Change preposition
on holidays
show examples
holidays
Fix the agreement mistake
holiday
show examples
or pay
good
Add an article
the good
show examples
school for
kids
Correct pronoun usage
their kids
show examples
. These
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
good reasons to be rich. It’s not bad to want
nice
Add an article
a nice
show examples
life for yourself. I think helping
others
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is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
nice way to use
money
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, but I don’t think it is always the most important reason.
People
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have different dreams, and
money
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help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
them do what they want. In conclusion, rich
people
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can help
others
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and
this
Linking Words
is very good, but
also
Linking Words
there are many other
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
why
people
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want to be rich. Everyone should decide how they use their
money
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. It helps the reader follow your thoughts better.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your ideas. This makes your argument stronger.
general
Check your grammar and spelling. For example, 'give' should be 'gives' and 'this show' should be 'this shows.'
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You made a good effort to discuss different views about being rich.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
What to do next:
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