In many countries, women and men are still not equal in the workplace. Some people think this is unfair, while others believe it is a natural difference.Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

It is widely believed that there
are
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is
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serious
discriminations
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discrimination
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in the workforce, thereby it is not fair,
while
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others argue that it is
the
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apply
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human’s
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human
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nature. From my perspective, I fully endorse that the bias in the
workplace
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
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not equal for the vulnerable groups. On the one hand, unfairness in working may lead to less efficiency and
productive
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productivity
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, so
discrimination
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ought to be diminished or reduced by certain policies.
For example
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, racial, gender and age
discrimination
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will all contribute to
the
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apply
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poor productivity during work, since workers may be paid with lower income that
do
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does
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not match their efforts, or demotivated by
less
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fewer
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promotion opportunities. To deal with
this
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problem,
trade
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the trade
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union
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unions
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should be created to prevent
vulnerable
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a vulnerable
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labor
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labour
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force from being
exploit
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exploited
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by the firms,
such
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as imposing minimum wages for the industries.
As a result
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, inequality in the
workplace
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should be reduced
in
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to
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some extent.
On the other hand
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, proponents of the opposite view may highlight the physical and mental
difference
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differences
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among gender and age.
This
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is because males are more physically strong than women or elderly people, so some tough positions like astronaut or electrician are more suitable for men.
However
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, women may be more adaptable in jobs like counsellor or nurse which need
emotionally
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emotional
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intelligence and
patient
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patience
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.
Moreover
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, older employees may have more practical experience so jobs like accountant are more
capable
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convenient
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for them.
As a result
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,
discrimination
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is unavoidable
due to
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the requirement for different positions
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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varying. In conclusion,
although
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the
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apply
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discrimination
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may occur in some specific fields, the majority of
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workplace
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workplaces
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should not have discriminatory practices.
Therefore
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, I firmly advocate that with the awareness and implementation of reducing unfairness in
Use synonyms
workplace
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the workplace
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, future society will become more harmonious and prosperous.

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task response
Your introduction should clearly state both views before giving your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler connecting words to make your ideas flow more smoothly, such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'In conclusion'.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. You mentioned trade unions, which is good, but additional examples would strengthen your argument.
task response
You presented a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which is important for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion clearly states your opinion, which rounds off the essay well.
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