IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the government should monitor websites. Do you agree or disagree?

. There is no denying the fact that the only way to make the internet safe is for the law to censor the content of
websites
Use synonyms
 .
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that censorship of some
websites
Use synonyms
 is not allowed in most countries , there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider I agree with
this
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 opinion.
To begin
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 with, I believe that making the internet safe is for the state to censor It would be a relief for mothers and fathers. But now all the social media in the devices we can't enjoy because of some bad ads.
For example
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, I can't give my phone to my son if he's sitting alone because I worry about bad ads . So I prefer we watch it together. Another, if the government censors the content
Use synonyms
websites
Change preposition
of websites
show examples
 all parties will feel comfortable with their children because the situation has become very worrying the period .
For instance
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, 3 years ago I left my son with my cousin after that my cousin gave my son her phone and he watched Miss Rachel after that watched bad ads on the phone and told me that. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that I agree with the bureaucracy to censor the content of
websites
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 because it will prevent bad things from our children
however
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 Everyone should be careful about children on the Internet in general. They are not responsible for what they watch

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coherence and cohesion
Your argument needs to be clearer and more structured. Make sure to have a strong introduction, body paragraphs with distinct points, and a clear conclusion.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your ideas. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
You express a clear opinion on the topic, which is a good starting point for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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