IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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 day and age, many people believe that
students
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 should give priority to fields like computing
or
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apply
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mathematics and science rather than
art
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especially
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, especially
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 for high school
students
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. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the view above.
This
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 essay will discuss the following topic and
gives
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give
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 reasons as follows. First and foremost,
art
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 subjects should
also
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 be made compulsory
to
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for
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 those individuals as these help them to form the basis.
In other words
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,
art
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 consolidates
students
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' imagination and mind, which can be
advantagious
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advantageous
 when you join the workforce. You will have to rely on these to draw up
plan
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plans
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 and ways to attract customers and negotiate
wwith
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with
 other companies.
Secondly
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,
such
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 subjects
is
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are
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 recreational meaning that you can relax by painting pictures.
Moreover
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, it lets your mind become
opened
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open
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 and think more
optimistic
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optimistically
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. At some point in life, drawing can cheer
and
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you and
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recovers
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recover
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 you from shocking news or failure. It can
also
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 back you up
wwhen
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when
 you feel bored.
Last
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 but not least,
art
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 develops your observation. Through sighting new patterns and objects in the surrounding areas you can build up a new picture. If
students
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 study these subjects,
students
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 could observe better and have a deep
analyse
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analysis
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on
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of
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 the situation rather than an overview. In certain situations, they can find effective solutions or
resolvements
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resolvents
 that may even be a breakthrough that hasn't been thought of.
A specific
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Specific
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 insights always
allows
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allow
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 them to have alternatives that are off the beaten track which makes them unique and stand out. In conclusion, artwork must be
a
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apply
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obligatory for
students
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 because it is beneficial towards their future

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, but it could include a brief overview of the points you will discuss. This helps the reader know what to expect.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make your paragraphs more clearly defined. Each paragraph should have one main idea that is explained clearly. This will help improve your logical structure.
task achievement
When you make a point, try to explain it a bit more and use specific examples from real life or personal experience to make your ideas stronger.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion throughout your essay, which makes it easy for the reader to understand your position.
task achievement
Your points about the benefits of art subjects are interesting and relevant, showing your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • emotional intelligence
  • express themselves
  • compulsory
  • hidden talents
  • detract
  • core subjects
  • inclination
  • stressful
  • unproductive
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • universal appeal
  • cultural education
  • diverse backgrounds
  • standardized testing
  • academic performance
  • quality
  • creativity
What to do next:
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