Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

Some say that technology helps people to connect to each other,
while
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others
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believe that in fact sets us apart.
Although
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the evolution of computers, and
consequently
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the internet, has created spaces where
the
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apply
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individual can share their lifestyle and connect with
others
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, I believe that it actually creates a toxic environment
that is
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splitting society into groups
instead
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of creating a sense of community. On the one hand, the use of smartphones and social media has allowed people to connect in real-time with
others
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, making distances shorter and
communication
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faster. Messages that in the past could take months to be delivered, now they can be instantly sent by pressing a single
botton
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button
.
Such
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change in
communication
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is seen to have a big impact on the way society behaves
,
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and evolves.
However
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, I believe that there are
also
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negative impacts that come with
this
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dependency on the virtual world and social media has become an enemy
instead
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of an ally.
On the other hand
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, the necessity of being part of a group makes the users share their entire lives online to be accepted by a group, resulting in overexposure and
consequently
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being vulnerable to critical comments. The lack of regulation online, in my opinion, is where the problem of modern
communication
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takes place. Anyone can say anything about
others
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on social media, without having any consequences.
For example
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, the singer Kanye West posted on his
Twiteer
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Twitter
profile that he was anti-semitic, which is a crime in many countries, and nothing happened to him or even with the publication. Cases like
this
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are commonly seen daily on many platforms. Hate discourse, discrimination, violence and bullying are all over the internet and nothing is done to stop it.
 In conclusion, despite the internet being a facilitator of
communication
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between people, the bad usage of some applications is a considerable threat to society and must be regulated.

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Task Achievement
Work on making your main ideas clearer and more developed. Each point should be well-explained to show your opinion strongly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas better. This will help your essay flow smoothly.
Task Achievement
Make sure your examples are directly related to your ideas and clearly show your point. This will make your argument stronger.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, which is good for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction presents both sides of the argument, showing balance.
Task Achievement
You mentioned real-life examples which can add weight to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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