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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Social media is one of the technological advancements in the communication sector. Interaction between
people
Use synonyms
 has been shifted through online platforms compared to the traditional ways.
This
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 essay will discuss both advantages and disadvantages,
follow
Wrong verb form
followed
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 by
conclusion
Add an article
the conclusion
a conclusion
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. Nowadays, social media has become a popular medium for
people
Use synonyms
 to communicate. Accessibility to
internet
Correct article usage
an internet
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 connection is one of the outstanding reasons for
this
Linking Words
 development. Teenagers especially prefer to talk with their friends through online platforms
such
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 as
Whatapps
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
 Messenger or Instagram. These platforms are more convenient because they do not have to go out to exchange messages.
However
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,
this
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 development
also
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 has its drawbacks because
people
Use synonyms
 tend to be lazy and
less
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do less
show examples
 physical activities, which eventually
poses
Correct subject-verb agreement
pose
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 risk to their health. The other advantage of having online
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
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 is the swift delivery of information.
Those
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For those
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people
Use synonyms
 who work in
multinational
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a multinational
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 company,
this
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 would be a preferred communication method. The data or information can be relayed through an email which requires only a few minutes.
This
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cost effective
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cost-effective
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 method will help the companies become more productive and ultimately boost their revenues. But in certain conditions that require two companies to meet each other,
such
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 as signing an agreement, the traditional way is much preferred. In conclusion,
although
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 the advantages of online interaction outweigh the disadvantages, it is convenient, faster and easily accessible. It
also
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 can cause
health related
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health-related
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 issues
such
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 as obesity if not
practice
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practised
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in moderation.
Finally
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, face-to-face interaction is still important and cannot be replaced in certain situations.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. This helps the reader understand your point of view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words (like 'firstly', 'however', 'in conclusion') to help connect your ideas better.
Task Achievement
Develop your points with more detail and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You mentioned both advantages and disadvantages, which is good for a balanced discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interaction
  • geographical barriers
  • global community
  • cultural diversity
  • economic opportunities
  • superficial interactions
  • mental health impact
  • loneliness
  • depression
  • interpersonal relationships
  • real world
  • spread of misinformation
  • echo chambers
  • societal polarization
  • informed citizenship
  • constant connectivity
  • maintain relationships
  • fast and efficient
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