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Writing Samples
Band 4

The pie charts below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The tables shows how these causes affected three regions of world during the 1990s.

The pie charts below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The tables shows how these causes affected three regions of world during the 1990s.
The histogram and the tabulation
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
 the various reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 land degradation in
1990's
Correct article usage
the 1990's
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 the former details about the causes for the whole world, the latter distinguishes on the basics of
majorily
Correct your spelling
majority
 three regions i.e. North America, Europe and Oceania.
Overall
Linking Words
, over-grazing can be considered as the main culprit,
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
 the maximum land degradation happened in Europe. As the pie chart shows
majorily
Correct your spelling
majority
majorly
 three main reasons are over-grazing, deforestation and
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 with each almost having one-third of the total percentage i.e. 35%, 30% and 28% respectively. The rest only have a contribution of 7% in total. The table
illustartes
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 that the most affected region is Europe with a total of 23%, in which all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three showed
descending
Correct article usage
a descending
show examples
 share starting from deforestation,
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 and over-grazing with 9.8%, 7.7% and 5.5%. Oceania was the second area affected where the percentage
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 13%, and the major contributor was over-grazing with 11.3% exceeding
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all other regions as well. North America was least
degarded
Correct your spelling
degraded
regarded
 with 5% apparently, the maximum contributor here was
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 with 3.3%.
While
Linking Words
 taking a closer look, it reveals that each of them
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 hit their minimums,
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 was at 0 in Oceania, deforestation and over-grazing were at 0.2 and 1.5 respectively in North America.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words over-cultivation with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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