IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. Describe the information presented below. Comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. Describe the information presented below. Comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
The bar graph illustrates the average number of
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 spent on unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 by married individuals across three family groups:
these
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 without
children
Use synonyms
,
with
Correct determiner usage
those with
show examples
 1-2
children
Use synonyms
, and
with
Correct determiner usage
those with
show examples
 3 or more
children
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
 at a glance, married women
spends
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 significantly more
hours
Use synonyms
 on unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 than married
men
Use synonyms
 and
while
Linking Words
 women’s workload
rise
Change the verb form
rises
show examples
 dramatically with the number of
children
Use synonyms
 the number of unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 done by
men
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 remains almost unchanged regardless
Change preposition
of
show examples
family size. In households without
children
Use synonyms
 married women spend approximately 30
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 on unpaid
work
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 married
men
Use synonyms
 contribute approximately 18
hours
Use synonyms
. When
Add an article
the family
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 have 1 - 2
children
Use synonyms
 the amount of unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 for women rises to about 50
hours
Use synonyms
 weekly but
Add an article
the man
show examples
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 remained stable. Family with 3 or more
children
Use synonyms
 women’s unpaid
work
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 peaks
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
 60
hours
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 per
week
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
 married
men
Use synonyms
 saw their
hours
Use synonyms
 decrease by about 3
hours
Use synonyms
 to about 17
hours
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, week, work, children, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unpaid work
  • Household chores
  • Gender roles
  • Disparity
  • Societal expectations
  • Cultural norms
  • Full-time housewives
  • Part-time jobs
  • Traditional responsibilities
  • Domestic roles
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