IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people say that it is not possible to be happy without money, while others think that money does not guarantee happiness. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Few individuals think that
money
Use synonyms
 is the key to happiness.
While
Linking Words
 others are thinking
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 of the above argument.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate both sides of
this
Linking Words
 issue and provide a personal opinion.
Money
Use synonyms
 can bring happiness to people's lives in multiple ways.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they can afford anything they want in terms of food, clothing, electronics and execute a holiday plan.
Consequently
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, a combination of all
such
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 things can help release stress and lighten up person's mind. To cite an example, 70% population in Germany is enjoying a luxurious
life
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, it is ranked as having most happiest and most stress-free citizens. On the flip side, emotional support and availability play a significant role in every stage of
life
Use synonyms
 , whether it is teenage, adult or old. To start up anything in
life
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 , like college, business and marriage , a person needs to become mentally prepared first.
Consequently
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, there is always a need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 family involvement , to boost confidence and stimulate motivation for better decision-making.
For instance
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, there was s survey done by the Intelligence team in an autopart company, USA. The reason behind
this
Linking Words
 survey was to gather data among employees to rank
money
Use synonyms
 on the basis of stability.
As a result
Linking Words
, the majority of people ranked
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the lowest and emotional availability from the family at the top. To recapitulate,
Money
Use synonyms
 can make you acquire anything you want.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that there are various other things which people need to consider before
money
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,
such
Linking Words
 as emotional support from family , as a tool of happiness and success in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader understand your viewpoint better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words or phrases to connect your ideas and make your writing easier to follow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This can help make your argument stronger.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which shows that you understand the topic well.
task achievement
You have included examples, which is great to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic security
  • enriching experiences
  • broaden horizons
  • emotional well-being
  • materialism
  • asset management
  • life satisfaction
  • fundamental needs
  • reduce stress
  • enabling experiences
  • emotional needs
  • accumulate wealth
  • never-ending cycle
  • subjective
  • multifaceted
What to do next:
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