IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar; which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

It is
'
Punctuation problem
apply
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evident that there are many manufactured
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
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 and drinks that include high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
 Use synonyms It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 you want to do the opposite for a high band score. . These
products
Use synonyms
 can bring some health problems to do harmful
people
Use synonyms
's lives.I firmly believe that retailers can make the
products
Use synonyms
 more expensive to reduce the times customers want to buy them in their daily lives.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 eating
to
Use the right word
too
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 much high
sugar
Use synonyms
 food is harmful for their bodies. High
sgar
Correct your spelling
sugar
 produced includes more chemicals than ordinary food. If
people
Use synonyms
 usually eat them, they will
meet
Verb problem
develop
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 some diseases
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, headache, and hyperglycemia. Even some
people
Use synonyms
 think their life can not live without high
sugar
Use synonyms
 after a long
time
Use synonyms
 of eating these
products
Use synonyms
. So
people
Use synonyms
 should find some ways to decrease the
time
Use synonyms
 to buy
this
Linking Words
 product.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should support that the retailers' rising prices reduce
people
Use synonyms
's desire to purchase. In fact, when they find that the things they want to buy are more expensive than before, they can not buy them again. It is one of the effective ways to help
people
Use synonyms
 give up
sugar
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile government should approve some healthy lifestyles at the same
time
Use synonyms
, which make
such
Linking Words
 sure
people
Use synonyms
 have a healthy lifestyle concept
,
Punctuation problem
.
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However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will get a sense of anxiety when they can not buy their favourite
high-sugarsugar
Correct word choice
high-sugar
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 product lot
the
Correct article usage
apply
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first
Check wording
apply
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time
Use synonyms
. They can not feel the world is colourful, even though they lose their meaning of life since they can not find any way the cheer themselves up.
This
Linking Words
 situation can lead to social chaos. In conclusion, despite the potential personal happiness drawbacks, improving the price of
high
Use the right word
high-sugar
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sugar
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 brings undeniable personal health and economic benefits.
while
Linking Words
 responsible management Its advantages can significantly outweigh its
negative
Fix the agreement mistake
negatives
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。

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coherence
Try to organize your essay into clear paragraphs: an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
task achievement
You show a clear opinion throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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