IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the present, many
people
Use synonyms
 are growing with
health
Use synonyms
 problems.
they
Fix capitalization
They
show examples
 are trying
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
medicines
Use synonyms
 and
treatments
Use synonyms
 rather than visiting their doctors.
This
Linking Words
 is a positive development because they think about cheaper
medicines
Use synonyms
 which they can buy.
In addition
Linking Words
, they think
how
Change preposition
about how
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 to be in good
health
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 in the fastest way.
People
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 are trying to use different
medicines
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 and
treatments
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, which are cheap. They are trying to find
a low price
Use the right word
low-priced
show examples
medicines
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 because they don't have enough money to buy the
high price
Use the right word
high-priced
show examples
Use synonyms
medicines
Punctuation problem
medicines,
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 even if it is well-known.
Also
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 cheapest one may have the same active pharmaceutical ingredient (API).
For example
Linking Words
, Cataflam
one
Punctuation problem
, one
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 of the most
known
Use the right word
well-known
show examples
medicine
Fix the agreement mistake
medicines
show examples
 in Egypt,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has been sold for 50 Egyptian pounds.
However
Linking Words
, Catafast is the alternative one, and it has the same API
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
 Cataflam with
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 price
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is 20 Egyptian pounds.
People
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tries
Correct subject-verb agreement
try
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 new products that can treat them immediately. Patients need some
treatments
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 that
are giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 them instant
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 because they may have some important tests , and they need to be in good
health
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 before the exam to get high scores.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they get different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
treatments
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.
For Instance
Linking Words
, many
people
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 prefer to get injections rather than tablets. Because injections have
immediate
Correct article usage
an immediate
show examples
 release into the blood. So they would be in good
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
People
Use synonyms
 want to try
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
treatments
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,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
medicines
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 not
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
go to doctors. Because they need products more cheaper and more effective
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are used instantaneously.
This
Linking Words
 is
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 development.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Try to have separate paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas better. Use words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to help the reader follow your thoughts.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Try to write in full sentences. Some sentences are short and can be combined to form more complex ideas.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example about Cataflam and Catafast, which helps to support your point about cheaper medicines.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and states a clear opinion, which is a good start.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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