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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Kasiyet

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Kasiyet
The line graph displays data about the proportion of the
population
Use synonyms
 in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia that
living
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in
cities
Use synonyms
between1970
Correct your spelling
between 1970
 to 2020, with a projection up to 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, all four countries had increased until
this
Linking Words
 year and
predicted
Verb problem
are predicted
show examples
 to increase
further
Linking Words
 by 2040. The two countries that experienced the highest growth were Malaysia and Indonesia
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 approximately the same rising rate. In 1970, the percentage of Malaysia's
population
Use synonyms
 living in
cities
Use synonyms
 was 30%
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 percentage saw a significant increase until 2025 and is likely to continue rising to 80% by 2040. The proportion of Indonesia's
population
Use synonyms
 that
living
Wrong verb form
lives
show examples
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 began at about 14% in 1970, it experienced dramatic
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 to around 55%
this
Linking Words
 year, and
projected
Verb problem
is projected
show examples
 to increase
further
Linking Words
 to reach 60% in 2040. The percentage of
Philippines'
Correct article usage
the Philippines'
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 living in
cities
Use synonyms
 was 30% in 1970
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure went up steadily before reaching around 45%
this
Linking Words
 year, except for a small dip in 2010. It is likely to continue increasing to 50% in 2040. In 1970,
Thailand'
Check wording
Thailand's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
living in
cities
Use synonyms
 was just below 20% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 number gradually grew during the period, reaching about 33% in 2025. It is predicted to reach around 45 by 2040.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, cities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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