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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children should not be given homework everyday, while others believe that they must get homework everyday in order to be successful at school. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

The world is more complicated than
how
Rephrase
apply
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it was in the past
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 that
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
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 how education used to be. There is a group of people who think that giving
kids
Use synonyms
homework
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 to do is not useful.
While
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 others believe that
kids
Use synonyms
 must get
homework
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 to be successful. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will be discussing both
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
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 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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 and
give
Wrong verb form
giving
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 my opinion. There are some people who think that
children
Use synonyms
 should not be given
homework
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
.
First,
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because making students do
homework
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everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 may lead to not having
that
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apply
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much
of
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apply
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leisure time.
In addition
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,
children
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 could focus on their talents in their leisure time rather than spending it
one
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on
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homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
.
Second,
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not giving young people
homework
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 can make them do more useful activities
instead
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.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
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 playing different sports and moving their muscles
instead
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 of sitting
on
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at
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 a desk
all-day
Use the right word
all day
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 long .
Finally
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,
kids
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 should spend more time with their family and
socialize
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socialise
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 more
instead
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 of
Use synonyms
homework
Verb problem
doing homework
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.
On the other hand
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, others believe that having
homework
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everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 is an excellent way to be successful . There are many reasons
to
Change preposition
for
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 that point of view.
First,
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giving
children
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homework
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 may lead to learning new information.
Also
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, having new information can help
children
Use synonyms
 learn more about life .
Second,
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having
kids
Use synonyms
 do
homework
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 can make them smarter and more intelligent.
Finally
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, in a recent article in
America
Add a comma
America,
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 it was shown that
children
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 who do
homework
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 are more likely to have a successful life.
To conclude
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, both opinions have their own pros and cons. In my opinion, I believe that not having
children
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to
Verb problem
apply
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do
homework
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 is more useful than having them do
homework
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
.

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task achievement
Try to clearly state your opinion at the beginning and the conclusion of your essay. This helps readers understand your view better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. This helps with the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. This can make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument fairly, which shows you understand the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good for readability.
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