IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Doctors recommend that older people should excersice regularly.However many of them do not exercise enough. What are the causes? What can be done to encourage them to exercise?

Nowadays,
The
Correct article usage
apply
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exercise
Use synonyms
becoming
Verb problem
is becoming
show examples
 an important
to increase
Wrong verb form
factor in increasing
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 our quality of life.
This
Linking Words
 is why some people think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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working out is
healthful
Correct word choice
healthy
show examples
.
while
Linking Words
 others believe
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 not essential and it is something extra to be fit. The following discussion will explore the opposing views surrounding the issue and provide a reasoned personal opinion.
Linking Words
firstly
Fix capitalization
Firstly
show examples
,
The
Replace the word
exercising
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exercise
Use synonyms
 regularly for older people
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be supportive for their health and for
fit
Correct article usage
a fit
show examples
 body
Linking Words
furthermore
Punctuation problem
; furthermore
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,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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could
Wrong verb form
can
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 maintain the heart rate
to be
Verb problem
apply
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within
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
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 range.
In addition
Linking Words
, Older gentleman should
exercise
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
show examples
they
Punctuation problem
; they
show examples
are
Verb problem
have
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 having right vision
due to
Linking Words
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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older
usually
Check wording
individuals usually
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 facing issue in their health
unless
Check wording
issues unless
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 they are in good routine.
However
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 healthcare or the Doctors should empower the older with
workout
Correct article usage
a workout
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 schedule and healthy food. 
Also
Linking Words
, older
sometimes
Check wording
people sometimes
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 feel busy because of their kind of business, family, and energy
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is not a valid reason to not
exercise
Use synonyms
 enough. 
This
Linking Words
 is
every one
Use the right word
everyone's
show examples
priorty
Correct your spelling
priority
 to
motivating
Wrong verb form
motivate
show examples
 older people to become active
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 can help by increasing the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gyms in each city. In conclusion,
After
Fix capitalization
after
show examples
 analysis of all points.
personally
Fix capitalization
Personally
show examples
, I believe that the advantages of
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
 working out and healthy are clearly great.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to check your grammar and spelling. For example, 'exercises' instead of 'excersice', and 'the exercise is becoming' instead of 'The exercise becoming'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to organize your ideas better. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea with clear link to the next one.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, talk about specific types of exercises that are good for older people.
Task Achievement
You have raised some relevant points about the importance of exercise for older people.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have attempted to discuss both views on the topic, which shows critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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