IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweight the disadvantages?

It has been observed that in some countries the population of younger adults has been noticeably increased compared to older
people
Use synonyms
. I believe that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 situation surpass its drawbacks to a major extent. My position is elaborated with reasons and relevant examples. Examining the brighter side of the foremost one is that younger
people
Use synonyms
 are usually physically more fit and can learn new skills faster in most areas, which is beneficial for the economic growth of a country.
For example
Linking Words
, the warehouse company name
jenburkt
Fix capitalization
Jenburkt
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, they just prefer young candidates to work
due to
Linking Words
 heavy lifting and other physical requirements in
duties
Correct pronoun usage
their duties
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 bring new ideas and they are more eager to make innovations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, every country needs
Correct article usage
the mind
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 and energy of young
for
Check wording
people for
show examples
bright
Correct article usage
a bright
show examples
 future.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 invests in the education and training sector.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, I would not overlook advantages. Not only
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 do old
people
Use synonyms
 have the experience of their life and which can play a major role in making decisions and in development
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 without their guidance and support
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 is difficult for younger
people
Use synonyms
 to get things done in their regular and professional life.
For instance
Linking Words
, in many big technology
companies
Add a comma
companies,
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 they prefer employees with ten to fifteen years of experience
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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principal manager positions because they can manage and direct their team to meet goals.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are both merits and demerits of increasing of young age residents
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 older
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that it is more advantageous because it can give more skilled and enthusiastic
people
Use synonyms
 in
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 who can work for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 longer time.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but try to provide a stronger statement of your main points in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is effectively supported. Some ideas feel slightly underdeveloped.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the points made, but consider adding a final thought that reinforces your opinion more powerfully.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion that supports your argument throughout the essay.
task achievement
You provide some relevant examples, which help to illustrate your points.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic shift
  • workforce
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • social evolution
  • curricula
  • health care costs
  • pension systems
  • mentorship
  • generational imbalance
  • unemployment
  • job markets
  • tax burden
  • adoption
  • development
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