IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that has been scientifically proved to be bad for peole's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

There is no denying the fact that food plays a crucial part in our lives .
While
Linking Words
 it is
commonly
Correct article usage
a commonly
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 held belief that shops should not sell any food or beverages that
scientifically
Verb problem
have been scientifically
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proved
Use the right word
proven
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 to be harmful
for
Change preposition
to
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 people’s
overall
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 health. There is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion,I agree that shops should be more careful
of
Change preposition
about
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 what they are selling.
To begin
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 with, people should be more Aware of what they are consuming
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Fix capitalization
Today
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today
Punctuation problem
today,
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has
Verb problem
there are
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 a lot of chemical and processed ingredients. Especially if you have children
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are still growing
it
Punctuation problem
, it
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is effect
Wrong verb form
affects
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 their brain and how they act and look.
For instance
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, kids who grew
in
Change preposition
up in
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 houses with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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smoking or
addicting
Correct word choice
addicted
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 parents are more likely to have mental health problems
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and heart disease. Another point to consider, humans these days are more aware and careful
to
Change preposition
about
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 what they put in their bodies. It is not just
to achieve
Change preposition
about achieving
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 a certain body look, but the
determine
Wrong verb form
determining
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 their health and
to be
Wrong verb form
being
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 stronger
plus
Punctuation problem
, plus
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 to live longer.
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 when you are old, you don't want to spend your days
at
Change preposition
in
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 the hospital. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that spending more money
in
Change preposition
on
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 high-quality food
better
Verb problem
is better
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 than dealing with the consequences later.

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Task Achievement
Make your introduction clearer by stating your main point directly. Add a thesis statement at the end to show what you'll discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure you have a clear and logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words to connect your ideas better.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention specific food items or studies that show health effects.
Task Achievement
You show a clear opinion about the topic, which is good for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You include a conclusion that summarizes your main idea, which is important for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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