IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

There is no denying the fact that video
games
Use synonyms
 are present in most houses.And it
widely
Verb problem
is widely
show examples
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 by different ages.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that they are useful and have benefits,especially as a tool for learning,there is
also
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 an argument that opposes
thia
Correct your spelling
this
 idea.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand,when people play
games
Use synonyms
 that have a different
language
Punctuation problem
language,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 will help them to learn
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
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 language.
In other words
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,
while
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 they enjoy their time,they will practice it by listening and reading ,even if
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
 users
a
Correct article usage
apply
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native people.
In addition
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,it is
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
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as
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apply
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a cheap way to spend your free time without
wast
Verb problem
wasting
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 your money.
For example
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,playing computer
games
Use synonyms
it do
Wrong verb form
does
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 not cost you any
founds
Use the right word
funds
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,
also
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sony
Fix capitalization
Sony
show examples
games
Use synonyms
regardless
Punctuation problem
, regardless
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 of the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
devices,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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 just cost 50 dollars for the CD.
On the other hand
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, exaggeration in the
use
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 of them will lead to many problems,
such
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 as wasting time and addiction
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. It is
also
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 possible to say that sometimes it will make you
fogetting
Correct your spelling
forget
 or
delying to do
Wrong verb form
delay doing
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 your tasks.
Moreover
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,it might make your
eye sight
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eyesight
show examples
 weaker when you
use
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 them
careless
Replace the word
carelessly
show examples
 and without glasses.
For instance
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, there are many
researches
Check wording
studies
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 that have proven that screen
games
Use synonyms
 have caused to make a
lof
Use the right word
lot
show examples
 of new generations
need
Verb problem
to need
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 to wear glasses
as a result
Linking Words
 of playing them. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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quation
Correct your spelling
question
. On balance,
however
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,I tend to believe that video
games
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not the perfect play for people,but that
not
Verb problem
does not
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 mean
do
Verb problem
they should
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 not
use
Use synonyms
 them
,
Punctuation problem
.
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to
Fix capitalization
To
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 avoid issues
gamers
Punctuation problem
, gamers
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 just have to control themselves.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your ideas are connected in a clear order. Use linking words to help readers follow your thoughts better.
task achievement
Check your essay for grammar and spelling mistakes. This will make your writing clearer and more professional.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points. This will help to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Good attempt at including both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • strategic thinking
  • multiplayer games
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • collaboration
  • interactive learning
  • gaming addiction
  • academic performance
  • violence desensitization
  • aggressive behavior
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • health issues
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