IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

A vast amount of time and
money
Use synonyms
 is currently being
measured out
Verb problem
spent
show examples
 by
authorized organizations
Use the right word
authorised organisations
show examples
 And governments for
ensuring
Wrong verb form
ensure
show examples
 the life of
animals
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
 topic is being debated , whether resources should be spent on the protection of wild
animals
Use synonyms
 or on the human population .
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the controversy
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 dividing
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time and
money
Use synonyms
 between preserving wild
animals
Use synonyms
together
Rephrase
apply
show examples
and enhancing human
conditions
Use synonyms
 .
Firstly
Linking Words
, for taking time,
money
Use synonyms
 to
the protection
Wrong verb form
protect
show examples
 wild
animals
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 an important role
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 environment.
This
Linking Words
 is directly related to food security , community health, economy, science and human moral values.
For example
Linking Words
 , wild
animals
Use synonyms
 contribute to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
 ecological balance . There are many
entomologys
Correct your spelling
entomologists
 (
such
Linking Words
 as bees ,
butterflys
Correct your spelling
butterflies
,…) and
animals
Use synonyms
 (
such
Linking Words
 as birds, bats,…)
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 pivotal pollinators for crops and wild plants .Their decline would directly threaten global food security, as more than 75% of the world's major crops depend on pollination by
animals
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the protection
wild
Change preposition
of wild
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 is not a luxury but an indispensable element for the sustainable
development
Use synonyms
 of society.
Secondly
Linking Words
 ,
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be spent on improving
people
Use synonyms
's living
conditions
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 because the amelioration
human
Change preposition
of human
show examples
conditions
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the basic foundation and the vital
development
Use synonyms
 in nowadays's society. It is not simply a matter of individual support but
also
Linking Words
 the foundation for stability, fairness and general progress.
For instance
Linking Words
 ,when basic living
conditions
Use synonyms
 are guaranteed,
people
Use synonyms
 have better opportunities for comprehensive
development
Use synonyms
, not only materially but
also
Linking Words
 spiritually.
People
Use synonyms
 no longer have to constantly worry about basic survival needs, but can focus more on learning,
practicing
Use the right word
practising
show examples
 skills, creating, pursuing passions and
maximizing
Use the right word
maximising
show examples
 their potential.
This
Linking Words
 not only benefits individuals but
also
Linking Words
 contributes to the
overall
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
 of science, technology, culture and art of the whole society. In a nutshell,
while
Linking Words
 the needs of the human population are urgent and important, I firmly believe that protecting wild
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be seen as a waste of resources.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, it is an investment in a sustainable future for all life on Earth - humans included. Balanced and thoughtful approaches can ensure that both
people
Use synonyms
 and wildlife thrive together.

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task achievement
Try to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and support it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
content
The essay presents a balanced view on the issue.
content
It includes relevant points about the importance of wild animals to the ecosystem.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem stability
  • pollination
  • water purification
  • climate regulation
  • eco-tourism
  • scientific research
  • moral and ethical responsibility
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • financial cost
  • social issues
  • healthcare
  • education
  • fund allocation
What to do next:
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