Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

A vast amount of time and
money
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is currently being
measured out
Verb problem
spent
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by
authorized organizations
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authorised organisations
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And governments for
ensuring
Wrong verb form
ensure
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the life of
animals
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.
This
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topic is being debated , whether resources should be spent on the protection of wild
animals
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or on the human population .
This
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essay will discuss the controversy
for
Change preposition
of
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dividing
out
Change preposition
apply
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time and
money
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between preserving wild
animals
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together
Rephrase
apply
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and enhancing human
conditions
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.
Firstly
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, for taking time,
money
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to
the protection
Wrong verb form
protect
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wild
animals
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also
Linking Words
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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an important role
about
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in
show examples
Use synonyms
development
Correct article usage
the development
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of
social
Correct article usage
the social
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environment.
This
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is directly related to food security , community health, economy, science and human moral values.
For example
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, wild
animals
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contribute to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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ecological balance . There are many
entomologys
Correct your spelling
entomologists
(
such
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as bees ,
butterflys
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butterflies
,…) and
animals
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(
such
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as birds, bats,…)
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
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pivotal pollinators for crops and wild plants .Their decline would directly threaten global food security, as more than 75% of the world's major crops depend on pollination by
animals
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.
Thus
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, the protection
wild
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of wild
show examples
animals
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is not a luxury but an indispensable element for the sustainable
development
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of society.
Secondly
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,
Nonetheless
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,
money
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should
also
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be spent on improving
people
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's living
conditions
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because the amelioration
human
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of human
show examples
conditions
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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the basic foundation and the vital
development
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in nowadays's society. It is not simply a matter of individual support but
also
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the foundation for stability, fairness and general progress.
For instance
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,when basic living
conditions
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are guaranteed,
people
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have better opportunities for comprehensive
development
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, not only materially but
also
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spiritually.
People
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no longer have to constantly worry about basic survival needs, but can focus more on learning,
practicing
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practising
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skills, creating, pursuing passions and
maximizing
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maximising
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their potential.
This
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not only benefits individuals but
also
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contributes to the
overall
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development
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of science, technology, culture and art of the whole society. In a nutshell,
while
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the needs of the human population are urgent and important, I firmly believe that protecting wild
animals
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should not be seen as a waste of resources.
On the contrary
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, it is an investment in a sustainable future for all life on Earth - humans included. Balanced and thoughtful approaches can ensure that both
people
Use synonyms
and wildlife thrive together.

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task achievement
Try to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and support it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
content
The essay presents a balanced view on the issue.
content
It includes relevant points about the importance of wild animals to the ecosystem.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem stability
  • pollination
  • water purification
  • climate regulation
  • eco-tourism
  • scientific research
  • moral and ethical responsibility
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • financial cost
  • social issues
  • healthcare
  • education
  • fund allocation
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