IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Some people think that the goverment is responsible for crime prevention. Others think that it is individuals responsibility to pretocet themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
todays
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today's
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 world,a lot of individuals believe that it's the
governments
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government's
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 responsibility to prevent
crime
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 others say it's the responsibility of the same individual to protect themselves.
This
Linking Words
eassy
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essay
 will
discus
Use the right word
discuss
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 both views and will give my opinion. On one hand,the
government
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 could help in preventing
crime
Use synonyms
 by promoting workshops,lectures about
crime
Use synonyms
 prevention.
Linking Words
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 addition to that
making
Punctuation problem
, making
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 strict rules to make every
Crimnal
Correct your spelling
criminal
 think twice before
commuting
Verb problem
committing
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 a
crime
Use synonyms
.And I truly believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 is responsible for
crime
Use synonyms
 prevention
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 without the
Use synonyms
government
Add a comma
government,
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 no individual can fully protect
himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Being
Fix capitalization
being
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 able to defend yourself and protect yourself is not
enogh
Correct your spelling
enough
 to protect you from other criminals, if the
government
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 is corrupted and can't prevent all criminals from
doing
Verb problem
committing
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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,no individual can protect
himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 in that situation. In conclusion, I believe it's the
government
Use synonyms
's responsibility to protect individuals from
crime
Use synonyms
 and prevent
crime
Use synonyms
 from happening.

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task achievement
Expand on your points with more details or examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your essay for spelling mistakes and grammar to improve clarity.
task achievement
You present both views clearly, which is good for task response.
task achievement
Your opinion is stated clearly in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • legislation
  • law enforcement
  • social programs
  • comprehensive strategies
  • personal responsibility
  • proactive measures
  • security systems
  • community-based initiatives
  • neighborhood watch
  • workshops
  • socioeconomic factors
  • crime rates
  • underlying issues
  • poverty
  • education
  • unemployment
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