IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

There is no denying the fact that online social platforms are taking over face-to-face meetings between a lot of people in the community.
While
Linking Words
 it is held that social networks have made it easier to stay in touch, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
. In my opinion, I consider that the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 are more serious than the advantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the main advantages of social media, that it is easy to communicate
any
Change preposition
at any
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 of the day, anywhere in the world, even in space. The main strength of online social platforms is how they can help humans
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stay connected across long distances.
For example
Linking Words
, when I am in the USA and my mother is in the UK,
Ican
Correct your spelling
I can
 keep in touch with her anytime I want. The third benefit of social networks is
how
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 it is good for introverts to express themselves freely.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some important
disadvantages
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, people are spending less
time
Use synonyms
 with family and friends.
Secondly
Linking Words
, poor emotional connection through text. The third point to consider, the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 may cause loneliness and anxiety.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is study proof that staying alone for a long period of
time
Use synonyms
 might cause a side effect. Humans must spend some
time
Use synonyms
 out of the house, join outdoor activities,
such
Linking Words
 as running, boxing, and crafting In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that the online platforms have benefits like easy communication, but I think the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 outweigh the advantages. The most serious downside of social media is that it might cause anxiety

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to include clearer examples for each point you make. This will help the reader understand your ideas more.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will improve the flow of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Add more detail in your introduction and conclusion to strengthen your main argument.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your points are relevant and show you have thought about the topic carefully.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interaction
  • geographical barriers
  • global community
  • cultural diversity
  • economic opportunities
  • superficial interactions
  • mental health impact
  • loneliness
  • depression
  • interpersonal relationships
  • real world
  • spread of misinformation
  • echo chambers
  • societal polarization
  • informed citizenship
  • constant connectivity
  • maintain relationships
  • fast and efficient
What to do next:
Look at other essays: