Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
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believe that
children
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should not decide everything about their own
self
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selves
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,
for
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
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in
food
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, clothes, and
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
. It is because if they always decide alone, they will become more selfish and only think about
their self
Check wording
themselves
show examples
. But some
people
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think that it is important to let
children
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choose, because the matter is about their own
life
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lives
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.
This
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essay will discuss both
side
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sides
show examples
and give my opinion.
First
Correct article usage
The first
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reason for the
people
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who
not
Verb problem
do not
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agree to let
children
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choose is
because
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that
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it can make them too
focus
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focused
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with their self.
For example
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, if
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child
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a child
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always
choose
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chooses
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their own
food
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like candy or fast
food
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, they will ignore the healthy
food
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like vegetables.
Also
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, when they choose
entertainments
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entertainment
show examples
like online games or
cartoon
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cartoons
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too much, it can
bring
Verb problem
have
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bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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effect
for
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on
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their study. In the future,
this
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habit can make the
children
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become
adult
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adults
show examples
who don’t like to listen or compromise with other
people
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.
On the other hand
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, giving chance to the
children
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to decide something can
also
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give
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be
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benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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. The reason is
because
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that
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it can teach them about responsibility and how to think more
mature
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maturely
show examples
.
For instance
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, when
child
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choose their clothes, they can learn what is good for different
situation
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situations
show examples
like
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, like
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for school or playing.
Also
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, when they can decide what to watch, the parents can explain if it is good or bad, so the
child
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can learn better.
Study
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A study
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said that
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child
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a child
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who learn to decide early will have more confidence and
strong
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stronger
show examples
thinking in future. In conclusion, some
people
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worry that letting
children
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choose everything can make them selfish, but other
people
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think it
help
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helps
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children
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to grow and learn
Verb problem
to make decision
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decision
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decisions
show examples
. In my opinion, I believe we should give the
child
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chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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to choose, but not too
free
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freely
show examples
. Parents still need to guide and explain to them, so they will not make bad
habit
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habits
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure each part of your essay supports your main idea more clearly. Try to elaborate on your points and give more examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'Firstly', 'Additionally', and 'In conclusion' to connect your ideas better. This will make your essay flow more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to check your grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are unclear or have mistakes, which can confuse the reader.
content
You introduced both sides of the argument clearly, which shows good understanding of the topic.
content
Your opinion is clearly stated in the conclusion, which helps to guide the reader's understanding of your position.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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