Some children spend hours every day on thier smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

With the development of technology, everyone is having new
devises
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devices
show examples
and modern people can not imagine their lives without them.
Accordingly
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, more and more parents are concerned about their children being involved
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
their smartphones
for
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apply
show examples
all day. It has numerous reasons to occur,
such
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as
attractiveness
Correct article usage
the attractiveness
show examples
of the content
in
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on
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smartphones and widespread digital addiction, and I
percieve
Correct your spelling
perceive
this
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as a negative situation. Youth
prioritize
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prioritise
show examples
engaging in
smartphone
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smartphones
show examples
for any other
activiy
Correct your spelling
activity
and are getting hooked
to
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on
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Devices provide a miracle of opportunities for their users, as anyone can access anything in a matter of seconds. Even if it seems
as
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like
show examples
a great thing,
kids
Use synonyms
misuse it for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
constant entertainment
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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shades
Verb problem
hinders
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the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
interest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
outside the smartphone. They
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
a lot of excitement from YouTube videos or mobile games, and playing football with their friends feels
to them boring
Correct word order
boring to them
show examples
, not
mentioning
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to mention
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doing homework.
As a result
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, children can and do
lay
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lie
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on
bed
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the bed
show examples
for most of the day and stare at the screen.
Furthermore
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,
this
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often leads to an addiction. Young people are more vulnerable compared to adults, and excessive
screen-time
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screen time
show examples
can drastically affect their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
. After some time, they get used to
Correct article usage
the stimuly
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stimuly
Correct your spelling
stimuli
they were getting, and
this
Linking Words
makes them begin to crave more
for
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apply
show examples
digital content.
This
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habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
only strengthens, and exiting it becomes a real struggle.
Addict
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Addicted
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
and the phone over using itself are hazardous things. An addiction was never a good thing, but it on
kids
Use synonyms
is even more dangerous. Because of it, youth can have social problems, no goals and
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
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of
emptyness
Correct your spelling
emptiness
, all of them for the reason of doing nothing except watching
phone
Correct pronoun usage
their phone
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. On top of it,
while
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on
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
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, weak eyes of
yong
Correct your spelling
young
people are exposed
too
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to too
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much
on
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apply
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blue light, which is
radiated
Verb problem
emitted
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from phones, and they have no physical
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
.
This
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has big
consequenses
Correct your spelling
consequences
on their health.
To sum up
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,
engaging
Correct article usage
the engaging
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nature of smartphone content and following
addinction
Correct your spelling
addiction
to it
cause
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causes
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huge problems for
childrens
Check wording
children's
show examples
lives and their health. It is better to restrict
kids
Use synonyms
'
screen-time
Use the right word
screen time
show examples
to
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
hours a day and show them other aspects of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This helps readers follow your ideas better.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points, like particular games or videos children might be addicted to.
coherence and cohesion
Check your spelling, especially common words. This can help improve your overall clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structure to make your writing more interesting.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about smartphone use being negative, which is good for task response.
task achievement
You’ve identified key issues, such as addiction and health consequences, which are important points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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