IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, young people are choosing not to pursue traditional careers such as teaching or farming. Why do you think this is happening? What problems could this trend cause for society?

A large majority of young
students
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 are not opting for traditional
professions
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such
Linking Words
 as farming and teaching. One of the reasons is that
students
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 are not encouraged to pursue
such
Linking Words
fields
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 by the government, and they are deemed
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
ideal for the future.
As a result
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, not only will there be
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of professionals in
such
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 fundamental
fields
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,
there
Correct word choice
but there
show examples
 will
also
Linking Words
 be dire consequences like food shortage and
drop
Correct article usage
a drop
show examples
 in
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of education. For young
students
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, subjects
such
Linking Words
 as computer science, medicine, robotics and many more are glamourised in a way that it
bounds
Verb problem
binds
show examples
 the
students
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' interest to these related
fields
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 only. These
professions
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 are not only shown as
high paying
Use the right word
high-paying
show examples
, but
also
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 presented as being the future.
Consequently
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,
students
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 prefer to pursue
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 which offers them job security.
Additionally
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, no
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 are provided to pupils
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 consider subjects related to farming and teaching, unlike other courses.
For example
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, the number of native farmers in the UK
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 decreased exponentially
since
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the
last
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 two decades,
according to
Linking Words
 a
reseach
Correct your spelling
research
. Most importantly, the highly ignored aspect of
this
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 problem is the potentially devastating effects that would come
as a result
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 of scarcity in these
professions
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.
This
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 is to say, a lack of professors to teach the
students
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 would mean that the average number of
students
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 per teacher would increase, leading to
drop
Correct article usage
a drop
show examples
 in
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
, which would directly affect
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
professions
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aswell
Correct your spelling
as well
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 farmers would mean less
yeild
Correct your spelling
yield
 for the increasing population.
Although
Linking Words
 the level of technology for farming would be better, not having
sufficent
Correct your spelling
sufficient
 minds to operate them would eventually lead to food shortage.
For example
Linking Words
, in
1800s
Correct article usage
the 1800s
show examples
, India faced a severe famine
due to
Linking Words
farmer's
Check wording
farmers'
show examples
protest
Fix the agreement mistake
protests
show examples
 against the government policies. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 there are several reasons for
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of individuals in the traditional
fields
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, but
this
Linking Words
 could change if appropriate action is taken by the government to
adresss
Correct your spelling
address
this
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 situation.

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task response
Make sure your introduction clearly states your main points for better focus. Add a clear thesis statement.
task response
When you give examples, make sure they are explained clearly so readers understand their importance.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words more often (like 'however', 'furthermore', 'for example') to connect ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check your work for spelling mistakes, like 'benifits' and 'reseach', to ensure your writing is clear and professional.
task achievement
Your topic is relevant and thought-provoking, showing good understanding of current trends.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps with understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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