IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As science and technology contribute most to the development of society, science students should get more financial support from government than students in other fields (eg. business, language, etc.). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Studying has become more expensive over the past decades
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 many students are dependent on financial support from the government. As science and technology have shaped our
world
Punctuation problem
world,
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 some might think those majors
thould
Correct your spelling
should
 get more funding. I
disargee
Correct your spelling
disagree
 with
this
Linking Words
 statement because other fields are equally as important in our
development
Use synonyms
. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, technology has a huge impact on our daily
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
 and eases daytime tasks significantly.
For example
Linking Words
, the ability to connect your smartphone to the internet opens up a new world of information directly on the streets.
While
Linking Words
one
Use synonyms
 just wants to see when the next train is arriving, someone else wants
post
Verb problem
to post
show examples
 photos of themselves or read the
lates
Correct your spelling
latest
 news. They all have
on
Use the right word
one
show examples
 thing in common, they make life easier and more comfortable.
Therefore
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, motivating young students to go into science and technology fields by supporting them financially, new inventions can be made
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
development
Use synonyms
 of society benefits greatly.
On the other hand
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, most inventions are useless when there is no
one
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 can sell
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. New products and advancements need someone to sell them to the people and take care of business.
Consequently
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, new inventions are useless as long as they are just blueprints on a table. Not only that, but having language barriers slows down the process of sharing science between countries and hinders
development
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overall
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. It becomes clear,
development
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 isn´t just inventing something new, but
also
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 sharing it
between
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with
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one
Use synonyms
 another and selling it to the crowd.
Thus
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, those fields have to be equally funded by the government, so that society can benefit as a whole. In conclusion, Financial support is essential for every student in all departments as education in each area is equally expensive and each
speclization
Correct your spelling
specialisation
 can help uplift
humaity
Correct your spelling
humanity
 in the future.

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Language
Make sure to check your spelling and grammar. For example, the words 'thould', 'disargee', 'lifes', 'lates', 'one thing', 'isn't', and 'speclization' are misspelled.
Ideas
Your ideas are good, but you could explain them more clearly. Try to give clearer examples for how other fields help society, not just science and technology.
Cohesion
Use linking words (like 'firstly', 'secondly', 'in conclusion') to make your writing flow better. This will help readers follow your thoughts more easily.
Content
You have a clear opinion on the topic and explain your points well.
Ideas
You address both sides of the argument, which shows good critical thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute
  • development
  • society
  • financial support
  • science students
  • other fields
  • government
  • equal
  • pursue
  • scientific studies
  • balanced approach
  • academic qualifications
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