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Writing Samples
Band 3

In today's societies, young people need more freedom to learn and explore the world on their own. others think that they learn from old people from their experiences and suggestion. Do you agree or disagree?

There's no denying the fact that freedom should be an available choice for everyone.
While
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 it is commonly held to belief that learning from old
people
Use synonyms
 is better. There is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that individuals should learn from their own experiences.
To begin
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 with, every experience
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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different outcomes.
In other words
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,
people
Use synonyms
 have different
perspective's
Check wording
perspectives
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, someone might consider
this
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 chance
is
Verb problem
apply
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a great opportunity,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 never think of doing it again.
In addition
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, everyone should try to learn
on
Change preposition
in
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 their
Correct word choice
own ways
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ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
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.
For example
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, example, research shows that
people
Use synonyms
 who try to learn things by themselves are less likely to
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 the same mistakes again. Another point to consider is
many
Correct word choice
that many
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people
Use synonyms
 know what they want to do in their life, and have planned
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their path. It is
also
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 possible to say that taking advice from old
people
Use synonyms
 may unclear your view.
Moreover
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, it can cause enthusiasm to change plans, without considering the consequences of
last
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minute
Use the right word
last-minute
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 change.
For example
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, changing ideas in the
last
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 minute without thinking causes a plan
Verb problem
to fails
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fails
Correct subject-verb agreement
fail
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. Which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to
Correct article usage
a lose
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lose
Replace the word
loss
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motivation
Change preposition
of motivation
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 or depression. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different views, I believe that individuals should make their
path
Correct word choice
own path
show examples
, and learn from their experiences. Whether they accomplished their goals or not.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to include specific examples and details to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger and clearer.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the flow of your ideas by using linking words and phrases (like 'firstly', 'however', and 'for example'). This will help your writing sound more connected.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check your grammar and punctuation to avoid mistakes that can confuse the reader. For example, use 'perspectives' instead of 'perspective's'.
Task Achievement
You present your opinion clearly, which is good for expressiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, main points, and a conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • fosters
  • critical thinking
  • independence
  • creativity
  • innovative solutions
  • wisdom
  • experience
  • pitfalls
  • accelerate
  • mentorship
  • reflection
  • dynamics
  • rapidly changing
  • adaptation
  • innovation
  • relevance
  • fast-paced environment
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