IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

“Some people say that it is best to be loyal and to work for one company during one’s life. Others take the opposite view and say it is better to change jobs frequently in one’s life. Discuss these views and give your opinion.”

Some
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society believe that someone should be dedicated to
one
Use synonyms
company
Use synonyms
 and work there their whole life,
while
Linking Words
 others advocate that changing jobs many times is better.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides and explain why I believe that working in
one
Use synonyms
company
Use synonyms
 makes your life better. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, there are two main reasons why being loyal
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
one
Use synonyms
company
Use synonyms
 has more benefits. The first reason is having a high position at work because of the dedication that you have shown . Working for a long time in
one
Use synonyms
 place shows your rich experience in that field and loyalty,
then
Linking Words
 most of the time
these
Punctuation problem
, these
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 get the highest role there.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is a guarantee that the person will have a stable salary.
For example
Linking Words
, you work at the same job for a long time
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 you know how much the
company
Use synonyms
 is going to pay you throughout your career.
This
Linking Words
 shows your salary will be stable and will only increase because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your role will grow.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a section of the community
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 thinks that changing workplaces many times during whole life
also
Linking Words
 has benefits.
Such
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
deals help gain new experiences in different places and situations.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 you will have a wide range of friends and communities because when a person
switch
Correct subject-verb agreement
switches
show examples
 the
company
Use synonyms
 from
one
Use synonyms
 to
another
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
, they meet new
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many successful entrepreneurs challenged themselves in different jobs that made them more informed in various fields and open to new
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 shows how many advantages you can gain from changing workplaces. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 both being loyal
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 working in different companies have their advantages, I strongly believe that staying and working in
one
Use synonyms
company
Use synonyms
 is a good choice, especially in today’s competitive job market.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to have a clear position in your introduction and restate it in the conclusion for better clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words or phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs more smoothly, like 'however' or 'for example'.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents both views clearly and has a logical structure.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your ideas, which makes your argument stronger.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: