IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? what could be disadvantages fo being self employed?

The trend of self-employment,
instead
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 of working for any organisation, is increasing nowadays.
This
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 essay will discuss the causes behind
this
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 shift and
also
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 highlight the possible disadvantages of self-employment with explanations and examples.
To begin
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 with, the first and foremost reason behind the shift in interest from working for others to self-ownership is behaviour and attitude. To elaborate, some employers treat their employees poorly by rudely giving instructions and showing no concern for their emotional well-being.
This
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 creates a toxic environment where neither the employees nor the workers.
As a result
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, both have to face some consequences
such
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 as financial loss and health issues like anxiety, stress, and depression.
For example
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, As recent study reveals that more than 60% of staff quit their job
due to
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 the toxic behaviour of owners. Moving forward, there are a plethora of disadvantages associated with being self-employed, and one of the major ones is a compromise in quality. To explain, many individuals start their own businesses without having proper knowledge of business operations or management.
As a result
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, they tend to focus solely on profits and numbers, neglecting product or service quality, which can sometimes lead to serious consequences.
For instance
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, in 2019, a tragic incident occurred during an adventure activity when a nylon rope snapped mid-air, resulting in the death of two participants. Upon investigation, it was revealed that the rope was manufactured by a newly established business that had used low-quality materials to cut costs.
To conclude
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,
although
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 working without any interruptions is easy but it is hazardous in many ways.
Apart from
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this
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, a single person can't take care of all departments,
such
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 as maintenance, quality check, production, and so on.
Hence
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, working with a company is the best option not only for businesses but
also
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 for customers.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic, but try to include a stronger thesis statement that clearly indicates the main points of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas better. Use more linking words like 'however', 'furthermore', and 'in addition' to improve the flow between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
In your conclusion, summarize your main points more clearly and provide a clear opinion on the topic to strengthen your final statement.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples which support your points well.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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