IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people support modern developments in agriculture such as factory farming and creation of new types of fruits and vegetables. However, other people oppose this view. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the agriculture sector should use as many technologies as possible to improve its production,
while
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 others are worried about possible consequences ,
such
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 as an impact on human health.
This
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 essay will explain how modern technologies can help society and how we can decrease our anxiety about
usage
Replace the word
using
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
To begin
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with
Punctuation problem
with,
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 the negative aspects of the topic, it is obvious that
people
Use synonyms
 mostly care about the presence of genetically modified organisms (GMOs) in their food , which they think can affect their health. The source of
this
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 fear is based on poor awareness and is
additionally
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 fueled by influencers. In some cases, even the government play the role of an opponent.
For instance
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, in Russia, companies have to mark their products if
its
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 contain GMOs , and
as a result
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, consumers try to avoid buying
such
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 goods. So, the lack of knowledge about modern technology can produce prejudice. In fact, the reason for all modern methods in the farm industry is the improvement of efficiency. The more food
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 be produced, the more
people
Use synonyms
 can afford it , including families the low-income regions. In the context of GMO, a good example is the genetically modified corn which is able to grow in the high-temperature regions of Africa so that poor colonies can
rise
Use the right word
raise
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 it by themself.
Thus
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, new technologies help
people
Use synonyms
 to achieve results even in cases when it was impossible before. In conclusion,
although
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 the agriculture sector continues developing to get the best results, there are plenty of opponents worried about possible aftermaths. In my opinion, it is necessary to improve any kind of farm industry, but
also
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 agro companies and scientists should openly speak about the safety of their methods and provide educational sources so that
people
Use synonyms
 become more aware of production.

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task response
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. This will help the reader understand your viewpoint better.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader. This will help improve the logical flow of your ideas.
task response
Try to give specific examples that support your points. This adds more depth to your arguments and helps to clarify your ideas.
task response
You addressed both sides of the argument, which is very important for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • factory farming
  • genetic modification
  • sustainability
  • biodiversity
  • economic growth
  • animal welfare
  • food accessibility
  • high productivity
  • cramped living conditions
  • health risks
  • ecological imbalances
  • pest resistance
  • ethical issues
  • crop yields
  • environmental conditions
What to do next:
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