IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that children should learn a foreign language when they are at kindergarten, but others feel that it is better for children to do this when they are teenagers. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

Learning a foreign
langauge
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language
 will definitely help individuals in today’s society as it enables them to be more culturally diverse and
would help
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helps
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 in their career progression. In recent times, some people argue that
children
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 should be taught a foreign
language
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 when they are
at
Change preposition
in
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 kindergarten,
whereas
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 others state that it is better to do
this
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 during
teenage
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their teenage
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years
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views in detail before arriving at my conclusion. On the one hand, during early childhood,
children
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 are capable of grasping things faster by observing and listening to others. Most
children
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 learn to speak during these
years
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and
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, and
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 exposing them to
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
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 script at
this
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 time will help them to master it quicker.
However
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, as
children
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donot
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do not
 have
understanding enough
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enough understanding
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 to choose the
language
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 that they want to learn
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this
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, this
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 might demotivate them from engaging in studying and may cause resentment in future.
On the other hand
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, an
adoloscent
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adolescent
 would be able to
take
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make
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 a more informed decision regarding which foreign
language
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 to pursue. They would have more
auntonomy
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autonomy
 to choose the
lanaguage
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language
 they want to study. They would
be
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also be
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also
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 able to comprehend more difficult concepts of
language
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such
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, such
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 as grammar
during
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, during
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teenage
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their teenage
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years
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. In my opinion, I believe that it is better to teach
mutiple langauges
Correct your spelling
multiple languages
 to
children
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 during the adolescent
years
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 rather than
kindertanger
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kindergarten
 as it fosters more motivation and enables them to
take
Use the right word
make
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a
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apply
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more informed
decision
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decisions
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. In conclusion, learning a foreign
langauge
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language
equip
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equips
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children
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 to be more
accomodating
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accommodating
 to different cultures and traditions.
Event
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Even
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 though it is easier for
children
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 to grasp them in their
ealry
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early
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years
Punctuation problem
years,
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 I am of the opinion that
learnig
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learning
 them in their teenage
years
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 is more beneficial.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider using clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader. This will help structure your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or reasons to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Double-check your spelling and grammar for words like 'language' and 'autonomy' to avoid errors that can distract the reader.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument well, showing you understand the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for your discussion effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foreign language
  • kindergarten
  • teenagers
  • bilingual
  • multicultural
  • skills
  • exposure
  • understanding
  • confusion
  • stress
  • motivation
  • critical thinking
  • valuable
  • future careers
What to do next:
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