IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is it a waste of money . Government must the money in public services instead. To what extend do you agree with this situation?

Spending
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the arts
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as songs
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and cinemas, is authority
wasting
Replace the word
waste
show examples
Use synonyms
money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should utilise currency in the public services. I strongly agree that the
authorities
Use synonyms
 must invest
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public services
due to
Linking Words
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
,
people
Correct word choice
so that people
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 will
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better
living
Check wording
apply
show examples
life.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views. On the one hand, if the
authorities
Use synonyms
 use a large amount of
money
Use synonyms
 only in music
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
theater
Use the right word
theatre
show examples
,
Linking Words
As
Fix capitalization
as
show examples
 a result, people will get only entertainment from
such
Linking Words
 fields.
In addition
Linking Words
, they will spend
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the unnecessary
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of their lives because they will get only temporary happiness and pleasure.
This
Linking Words
 would not increase their living standards.
For example
Linking Words
, in Kenya,
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 faced harsh
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation, where the
trains
Fix the agreement mistake
train
show examples
 conditions were very poor, and
bad
Correct word choice
a poor
show examples
 time schedule
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
arrival
Fix the agreement mistake
arrivals
show examples
 and
departure
Fix the agreement mistake
departures
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if the government invest a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of investing
money
Use synonyms
 in
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
,
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 would make
Check wording
life smooth
show examples
smooth
Replace the word
smoother
show examples
 and good life in terms of
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
, roadways, etc.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, there would not be any congestion in the public transport
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 damaged roads.
This
Linking Words
 will make
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 more strong in the infrastructure field, where lives of people would not face any issues and make it more convenient. In conclusion, the
authorities
Use synonyms
 must take wise
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 to invest in
such
Linking Words
 a way
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 citizens of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 should not
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
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 to knock
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 door of the government.
This
Linking Words
 will create
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 relationship between the
authorities
Use synonyms
 and the public.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It helps to set the direction of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use connecting words like 'however' or 'for example' more often to improve the flow of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammar and spelling. Checking your work can help make your points clearer.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and structure in your essay.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example about Kenya which adds value to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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