Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater
conntrbtion
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contribution
to society and
do
Verb problem
apply
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should be paid more.
i
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I
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agree with that.
Firstly
Linking Words
, their jobs
thak
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take
a lot of
effort
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and time.
For example
Linking Words
, my sister is a nurse and she
spend
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spends
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a lot of
effort
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and time
in
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at
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work
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and she
dose
Use the right word
does
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not get paid well for her
effort
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,so they must be paid well for their
work
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
teacher's
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teachers
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build the new generation, and they put a lot of
effort
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, like dealing with kids which is tired
.
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kids.
show examples
Conclusion,
thoses
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those
who
work
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in
thes
Correct your spelling
these
jobs need to get paid well for their tiring
work
Use synonyms
.

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spelling and grammar
Make sure to check your spelling and grammar. Words like 'contribution' and 'those' were misspelled. Clear writing helps your ideas shine.
task response
In your introduction, clearly state your opinion. It would be better to say "I strongly agree" or "I partially agree" for a clearer response.
coherence
Ensure each paragraph has a main idea. Try to explain more about how teachers and doctors impact society, so your points are strong.
cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion' to help the reader follow your thoughts better.
content
You chose an important topic that many people care about. It's great that you provided personal experience with your sister's job as a nurse.
task response
You showed your opinion clearly, which is important in IELTS writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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