IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

It is the most debatable issue whether higher salaries or satisfaction of
job
Use synonyms
is
Check wording
satisfaction is
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 more imperative. I personally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion as higher wages
is
Verb problem
apply
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not only decline
employee's
Check wording
employees'
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 efficiency but
also
Linking Words
 affect
Use synonyms
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
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performance
Use synonyms
 by neglecting the fact
that
Change preposition
of
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 how much
are they
Correct word order
they are
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 satisfied with their
work
Use synonyms
. The primary reasons why
remunerations
Fix the agreement mistake
remuneration
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not as important as
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 that getting paid with high amount of money decreases the efficiency of an individual. The worker becomes idle and lethargic provided that he receives
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 salary in spite of not working up to the mark.
For instance
Linking Words
, the CEO of
reliance
Fix capitalization
Reliance
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company
Use synonyms
, Anant
Ambani
Punctuation problem
Ambani,
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 revealed in a podcast that in 2019, they revised their policies and increased the salary of each employee in the
company
Use synonyms
 for the betterment of enterprises
,
Punctuation problem
.
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it
Fix capitalization
It
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 was noticed that workers no longer
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
worked
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 efficiently.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the hard-working staff became lazy and performed poorly
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 they were unsatisfied with their
job
Use synonyms
performance
Use synonyms
 despite getting lots of money.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 practice affects the corporation's
performance
Use synonyms
 as none of the
persons
Check wording
people
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 at
work
Use synonyms
 take initiative to perform certain tasks. To be more precise,
incompatibility
Correct article usage
the incompatibility
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 of the monthly payment by the employer with individuals
mitigate
Correct subject-verb agreement
mitigates
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 their enthusiasm to
work
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, undeserving candidates receive bigger salaries
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 hinders their working abilities in the
company
Use synonyms
. Dissatisfaction is felt by them
on
Change preposition
with
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 getting a good amount of money.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, when working people get only deserving
wages
Punctuation problem
wages,
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 they are more
contented
Replace the word
content
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 with their
job
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, they indulge in every task in order to improve their skills
Linking Words
due
Punctuation problem
, due
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 to
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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company
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
performance
Wrong verb form
to perform
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 better. In conclusion, I still
withstand
Verb problem
stand
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with
Change preposition
by
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 my
view point
Use the right word
viewpoint
show examples
 of disagreement because
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 amount of salaries
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
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efficiency
Correct article usage
the efficiency
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 of the workers and
also
Linking Words
, the
performance
Use synonyms
 of the corporation is affected.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly organize your ideas into paragraphs. Each paragraph should have one main idea supported by examples.
task achievement
Try to use clearer examples that are closely related to your main points and explain how they support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity. Simple sentences can help convey your ideas better.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion on the topic, showing your agreement or disagreement well.
task achievement
Your examples and reasoning present a good effort to support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
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