IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Fossil fuel, such as coal, oil and natural gas, is extensively used in many countries which cause harms to the environment. The use of alternative sources of energy, including wind and solar power, however, is being encouraged in many countries. Is this a positive or negative development?

In the present world, people lean more towards sustainable
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as wind and solar power
instead
Linking Words
 of relying on burning fossil fuels.
Although
Linking Words
 coal, oil, and natural gas are widely used, these are not renewable power
sources
Use synonyms
. From my point of view, countries that adapt to renewable power generation are
towards
Verb problem
moving towards
show examples
 a positive development stage. In fact, there are many disadvantages to burning fossil oil.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it emits greenhouse gases
such
Linking Words
 as carbon dioxide, which directly interfere with the composition of the atmosphere and
interrupt
Verb problem
disrupt
show examples
 the balance.
As a result
Linking Words
, global warming occurs, and there are significant effects
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the ozone layer as well
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 protects us from harmful UV rays.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, rising sea levels can be detected
due to
Linking Words
 global warming.
Although
Linking Words
 the initial investment for renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 can be costly, it will sufficiently benefit the communities in the long term. People can depend on renewable
sources
Use synonyms
, as they are readily available
Correct word choice
and extensively
show examples
extensively
Replace the word
extensive
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will become a good solution for fossil fuel depletion around the world.
Further
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, the usage of sustainable
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 improves air quality, and
as a result
Linking Words
, respiratory problems, which are common around cities, can be reduced among city-dwellers.
This
Linking Words
 will affect the
overall
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 health and well-being of people.
For instance
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, in European countries, the usage of bicycles is being promoted to enhance the quality of city life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is evident that
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of alternative
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 should be enhanced, stepping towards positive development, as
that is
Linking Words
 the only way to preserve nature for the next generation.

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task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your ideas. For instance, give examples of countries that are successfully using renewable energy.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph relate back to that main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is a good start.
task achievement
You discuss both the disadvantages of fossil fuels and the benefits of renewable energy, showing a balanced view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fossil fuels
  • Renewable energy
  • Carbon footprint
  • Global warming
  • Sustainability
  • Energy security
  • Economic development
  • Technological advancement
  • Energy independence
  • Infrastructure investment
  • Intermittent supply
  • Storage technology
  • Public acceptance
  • Renewable energy sector
  • National security
  • Research and innovation
  • Viable energy sources
  • Upfront investment
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon emissions
What to do next:
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