IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Few
people
Use synonyms
 believe every person should help each other and try not to go against each other
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 others think
competition
Use synonyms
 is something
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
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be excisted
Verb problem
exist
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 in everything
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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work places
Use the right word
workplaces
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, educational
institues
Correct your spelling
institutions
 and
day to day
Use the right word
day-to-day
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I think there should be
competition
Use synonyms
 in our
life
Use synonyms
 as it is a good motivation for us and
also
Linking Words
 it will
produced
Wrong verb form
produce
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 skilled and
knowledgable
Use the right word
knowledgeable
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 we
also
Linking Words
 try to help
people
Use synonyms
 when they
in
Verb problem
are in
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needed
Replace the word
need
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 of help.
Firstly
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, I believe having a
competition
Use synonyms
 gives meaning to
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 as we do not have to repeat the same cycle every single day in our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. If humans do not have any purpose, they will be mentally
stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressful
 and
board
Use the right word
bored
show examples
 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time. Motivation is something
people
Use synonyms
 need to pass the time and for their mental
wellbeing
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of
contest
Check wording
competition
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 will make
people
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do better than others, which is a
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 advantage for the development
in
Change preposition
of
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 the economy.
For example
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, competitive exams can select highly skilled
candidate
Fix the agreement mistake
candidates
show examples
 for the position as marks
going
Verb problem
are going
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 to reflect
hard working
Use the right word
hard-working
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 individuals.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 try to cooperate with other individuals
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 we
going
Verb problem
are going
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 to need help from other
people
Use synonyms
 as well.
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
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 cannot live alone as we
born
Verb problem
are born
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 to have bonds with others.
every
Fix capitalization
Every
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 one of us
going
Verb problem
is going
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 to need love, care and support as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part of our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. There are going to be downfalls in our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, so going to need help from individuals around us.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 2009 with the economic crash in Greece,
leading
Correct article usage
the leading
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 political party had to ask
help
Change preposition
for help
show examples
 from their opponent party. In conclusion, I strongly believe we need
competition
Use synonyms
 in our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 because
people
Use synonyms
 need motivation and
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 economic benefits.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to express your ideas more clearly and in a logical order. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your argument has a clear beginning, middle, and end. Each part should help your main ideas.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points, and make sure these examples directly relate to your arguments.
task achievement
You gave your opinion clearly, which helps the reader understand your view.
task achievement
You included relevant points about competition and cooperation, which shows you understand both sides of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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