IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a [huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree

Its
Use the right word
It's
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 believed that social networking platforms (
such
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 as Facebook) have had
detrimental
Correct article usage
a detrimental
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 effect on individual people
as well as
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 society and local communities. I agree that they have had a damaging
affect
Use the right word
effect
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 on individuals and
consequently
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 on
communities
Correct article usage
the communities
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 they live in. First of all, the social networks have become an integral part of human society
Punctuation problem
, that
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that
Correct word choice
and
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 most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people have
became
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become
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 overaddicted to them.
For instance
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, individuals may become overly dependent on social networking sites for connection, replacing
real life
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real-life
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 interactions and affecting their ability to communicate
face to face
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face-to-face
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.
Additionally
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, some recent surveys revealed that the majority of office workers overused their working time on watching entertaining content on phones, which in turn decreased their productivity.
Moreover
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, many parents complain about online bullying on social media. Because today's youth tend to follow their idols and lift up peers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 do not match their “standards”.
Furthermore
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, the effect that Facebook and other networking sites have had on society can be seen as negative. Since
,
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apply
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 there are too many unofficial pages on the web, the truthfulness of their content remains unreliable. The effect of fake information or news leads to many clashes of cultures and even countries, which sometimes leads to a war.
Additionally
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, there have been many provocative trends that mislead
Correct article usage
the populations’
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populations’
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population’s
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 opinion on many crucial aspects of our lives.
For example
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, many influencers
keen
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are keen
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 on
to
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apply
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promoting
an
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the
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 idea that higher education is not needed for career growth or success.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your position on the topic. Consider rephrasing the second sentence for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to guide the reader. This will help improve the logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Include a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. This helps in providing a well-rounded response.
task achievement
You have provided some relevant examples to support your points about social media.
task achievement
Your arguments address both individual and societal impacts, which is good for depth.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media
  • impact
  • negative
  • individuals
  • society
  • loneliness
  • anxiety
  • self-esteem
  • cyberbullying
  • emotional harm
  • mental health
  • information
  • misunderstandings
  • trust
  • connection
  • privacy
  • personal data
  • misuse
  • communication
  • interactions
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