IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a [huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree

Its
Use the right word
It's
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 believed that social networking platforms (
such
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 as Facebook) have had
detrimental
Correct article usage
a detrimental
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 effect on individual people
as well as
Linking Words
society
Use synonyms
 and local communities. I agree that they have had a damaging
affect
Use the right word
effect
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 on individuals and
consequently
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 on
communities
Correct article usage
the communities
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 they live in. First of all, the social networks have become an integral part of human
society
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, that
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that
Correct word choice
and
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 most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people have
became
Wrong verb form
become
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 overaddicted to them.
For instance
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, individuals may become overly dependent on social networking sites for connection, replacing
real life
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real-life
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 interactions and affecting their ability to communicate
face to face
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face-to-face
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.
Additionally
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, some recent surveys revealed that the majority of office workers overused their working time on watching entertaining content on phones, which in turn decreased their productivity.
Moreover
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, many parents complain about online bullying on social media. Because today's youth tend to follow their idols and lift up peers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 do not match their “standards”.
Furthermore
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, the effect that Facebook and other networking sites have had on
society
Use synonyms
 can be seen as negative. Since
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 there are too many unofficial pages on the web, the truthfulness of their content remains unreliable. The effect of fake information or news leads to many clashes of cultures and even countries, which sometimes leads to a war.
Additionally
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, there have been many provocative trends that mislead the population’s opinion on many crucial aspects of our lives.
For example
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, many influencers are keen on promoting
an
Correct article usage
the
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 idea that higher education is not needed for career growth or success.
As a result
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, many high school graduates are reluctant to continue their education in college
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 some even drop out of their current studies.
While
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society
Use synonyms
 lacks workers with hard skills in many production sites or processing companies. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social networks have had negative effects on individuals, making them
overaddictive
Correct your spelling
overaddicted
,
as well as
Linking Words
 on
society
Use synonyms
, misleading it with unreliable information and trends.

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task achievement
Try to make your main points clearer and more detailed. This will help your reader understand your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'moreover', and 'finally' to connect your ideas. This will improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are clearly connected to your main ideas. This will help your essay feel more organized.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion in your introduction, which is good.
task achievement
You provide examples to support your points, which helps strengthen your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media
  • impact
  • negative
  • individuals
  • society
  • loneliness
  • anxiety
  • self-esteem
  • cyberbullying
  • emotional harm
  • mental health
  • information
  • misunderstandings
  • trust
  • connection
  • privacy
  • personal data
  • misuse
  • communication
  • interactions
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