IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank. Write a letter to your bank. In your letter: introduce yourself and ask for a loan say why you need the money tell how you intend to pay back the money

Dear sir I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to apply loan
in
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at
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 your Bank. My name is Amutha and
i
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I
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 have been studying in SMU
collge
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College
,currently doing
second
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the second
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 year of
course
Correct pronoun usage
my course
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. As an international
student
Punctuation problem
student,
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i
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I
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 have been holding
bank
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a bank
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account
Use synonyms
 since the first year of my study,my
account
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 number is GBH56000, Scotia branch in downtown. My parents send funds regularly to my chequing
account
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 from my home country.They have recently encountered a system hack in their
account
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it has crashed ,because of which they are unable to make any
transcations
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transactions
 and send money to my
account
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 here. Being a student
Punctuation problem
, its
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its
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it's
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 really challenging without any funds to pay for my current
accomodation
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accommodation
,utility bills,
food
Correct word choice
and food
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 expenses is really difficult.I like to apply
a
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for a
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loan of $1500 and promise to pay as soon as my extended family transfer me the funds .
for
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For
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 security
purposes
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purposes,
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i
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I
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 hereby provide you
my
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with my
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collge
Correct your spelling
college
 ID Card ,address proof,
accont
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account
 statements and my SIN details too.Looking forward
for
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to
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 a positive reply from your bank Thanks in advance yours sincerely Amutha

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your request for a loan in the introduction. This helps the reader understand your purpose right away.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your letter into clear paragraphs, each with a single idea. This makes it easier to read and follow.
suitable writing tone
Use a more formal greeting and closing. For example, 'Dear Sir/Madam' and 'Yours faithfully' would be more suitable.
complete response
You provided relevant details about your situation, such as your studies and account information.
complete response
Your letter clearly expresses your need for assistance, which is important in a request like this.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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