IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

There is an ongoing debate that the government should not be allocating funds
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 arts,
music
Use synonyms
, and theatre,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 money should be used to improve public services. I do not agree, where I believe that arts,
music
Use synonyms
, and movies play a vital role in today's society, when a huge population is suffering from anxiety, stress, and depression
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a great
level
Check wording
extent
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, people do not have the excessive amount of money to spend on their hobbies like art and
music
Use synonyms
, but they take advantage
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the events organised by the government. It generates revenue and tourism, at the same time, it reduces stress and anxiety
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 when fans
listens
Correct subject-verb agreement
listen
show examples
 to their favourite artists live and
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 entertained by them.
For example
Linking Words
,
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
 tour of Taylor Swift shows the benefits of promoting artistic
charaters
Correct your spelling
characters
 and their influence towards the economic boost.
This
Linking Words
 is the best way to encourage
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 population
dedicate
Verb problem
to dedicate
show examples
 their free time
focusing
Change preposition
to focusing
show examples
and
Change preposition
on and
show examples
 nourishing their talent.
Secondly
Linking Words
, governments already control public services like transportation and education systems
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 need
maintainance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis. They should improve other sectors at the same time
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 and acting,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is a part of the school curriculum
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 not
emphasis
Use the right word
emphasised
show examples
 much on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis.
For example
Linking Words
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 is already well
developed
Use the right word
well-developed
show examples
 nation
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they have so many emerging stars in
music
Use synonyms
 and arts
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is generating them high revenue and influencing the new generations
also
Linking Words
.
Overall
Linking Words
, I agree government should focus on developing public services
while
Linking Words
 maintaining proper investments in
music
Use synonyms
, art and
theater
Use the right word
theatre
show examples
. These sectors help the common person
sooth
Use the right word
soothe
show examples
 their mind
while
Linking Words
 learning new activities or taking part in events where their role models perform.

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly state your position on the topic. Make sure to express your main ideas clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow of your ideas. Use linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs better for easier reading.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points, making them more relevant and specific.
task achievement
You have chosen an important topic and provided personal opinions which is great.
task achievement
You have some good points about the roles of arts in society and economic benefits.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Economic stimulus
  • Civic engagement
  • Cultural diplomacy
  • Innovation
  • Austerity measures
  • Quality of life
  • Multifaceted
  • Opportunity cost
  • Tangible vs. intangible benefits
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Cultural capital
  • Interdisciplinary collaboration
  • Public policy
  • Socioeconomic factors
What to do next:
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