IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the inteernet has brought people closer togethert while others that people and communities are bbecome more isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Recently, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that society is connected by the
internet
Use synonyms
, and others think that humans and communities are becoming isolated.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain both points of view and my opinion. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 think that the
internet
Use synonyms
 is well developed to improve human well-being, especially in social life. The
internet
Use synonyms
 provides some benefits in communication among
people
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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,
people
Use synonyms
 commonly use the
internet
Use synonyms
 to have connections by email,
phonecalls
Use the right word
phone calls
show examples
, and
videocalls
Use the right word
video calls
show examples
. The public prefers to choose modern technology that connects with the
internet
Use synonyms
 to have long-distance communication easily, which is cheaper than they have travel to visit.
For instance
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,
people
Use synonyms
 may be connecting
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
daily with other family members at any place.
Therefore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 commonly
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
utilise the
internet
Use synonyms
 and connect several devices
such
Linking Words
 as laptops, handphones, and others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
internet
Use synonyms
 provides many ways to connect and get more information.
However
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,
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the
internet
Use synonyms
 will be decreasing the relationship among them. In fact,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to have a chat on the
internet
Use synonyms
 rather than have a chat with other individuals who are present in their daily life.
For example
Linking Words
, a family should spend their leisure time by having conversations among themselves, but they prefer to use
handphones
Correct pronoun usage
their handphones
show examples
 to spend time on social media. In my opinion, it would be wise for every to use the
internet
Use synonyms
 for the right purpose without removing their role in social life. The
internet
Use synonyms
 could be beneficial if it is used to minimise the boundaries, and to increase access to information,
also
Linking Words
 connecting isolated areas to the world.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea or topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more effectively to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
You could provide more examples and details to support your main ideas.
task achievement
Try to avoid errors in grammar and spelling to improve clarity.
task achievement
Good attempt to discuss both sides of the argument.
task achievement
The conclusion clearly states your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitated
  • connection
  • geographical barriers
  • social media platforms
  • sense of belonging
  • diverse perspectives
  • collaborate
  • share knowledge
  • excessive use
  • social isolation
  • face-to-face interaction
  • addicted
  • disconnection
  • physical surroundings
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • withdraw
  • false sense of connection
  • superficial relationships
  • polarization
  • echo chambers
  • balance
  • benefits
  • drawbacks
  • foster
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