IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need . Others say that advertisement are more important sources of information about new products . Discuss both views and give your opinion

In the inexorable developing era , it is widely asserted that individuals are inclined to waste their money by buying
items
Use synonyms
 that appear on social media ,
whereas
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 oppose that
advertisements
Use synonyms
 play an indispensable role in spreading new
products
Use synonyms
’ details . From my perspective , I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should buy
products
Use synonyms
 that are essential for their daily routine . On the one hand , there is a common belief that the key to driving consumers to acknowledge the latest
items
Use synonyms
 is
advertisements
Use synonyms
 .
To begin
Linking Words
 , in
this
Linking Words
 day and age, adverts can easily help new brands approach consumers
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
. In detail , by utilizing television commercials
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it is accessible to a mass audience. As television is getting familiar with users , individuals are frequently exposed to advertised
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 that
appear
Correct subject-verb agreement
appears
show examples
 on these modern devices in daily life .
Although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 might not take notice of that advertised information when they first catch up with it , it probably genuinely imprints into their subconscious in the long run . The
first generation
Use the right word
first-generation
show examples
 Apple iPhone is a testament to the effectiveness of
advertisements
Use synonyms
 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I am of the opinion that promotions lead to negative
individuals’buying
Correct your spelling
individuals
behaviors
Use the right word
behaviours
show examples
. Many beginner enterprises make their own
advertisements
Use synonyms
 that attract attention.
This
Linking Words
 might make profits and promote brand awareness. By publishing creative visual video illustrations
posed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
on the internet ,
this
Linking Words
 will automatically pose a trend on social platforms . Through
this
Linking Words
 method , it can effortlessly stimulate curiosity among
people
Use synonyms
 to buy
products
Use synonyms
 that are useless for their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In fact , research has shown that 80% of
items
Use synonyms
 that consumers
afford
Verb problem
buy
show examples
 annually are wasteful . In the long run ,
this
Linking Words
 can put a financial burden on each dweller and
also
Linking Words
 the society. In conclusion ,
although
Linking Words
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can deliver useful information about
products
Use synonyms
 that they might not have known about ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can drive citizens to buy
inessential
Correct word choice
unnecessary
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 . I strongly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should only afford
items
Use synonyms
 that
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
meet their demands

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to provide clearer examples to support your ideas. This will help strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the overall flow of your essay by using more linking words between paragraphs and sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all your ideas are well-developed and easy to understand; this will help the reader follow your argument better.
task achievement
Your introduction and conclusion clearly state your opinion, which is a strong point in your essay.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: