IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is recommended by some lawmakers to punish the parents in place of their children who have commited less serious crimes like disorderly conduct or theft. They say that this will force parents to become more responsible in taking care of their children. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Some administrators recommend that punishing
parents
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of their children who committed less serious offences will force them to be more responsible towards their kids. I vehemently disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion as indulgence in criminal activities can be an innate tendency.
Moreover
Linking Words
, for
wrong
Verb problem
committing wrong
show examples
deeds' commitment
Check wording
deeds
show examples
, youngsters are more influenced by
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peer groups. The primary reason why the
parents
Use synonyms
 must not be punished for their wards' crimes is that being inclined towards mischievous acts can be the result of innate evil qualities. To be more precise, every parent tries to inculcate good habits in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 child
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it solely depends on the juvenile whether
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 instil
such
Linking Words
 manners or not.
Thus
Linking Words
, it does not make
parents
Use synonyms
 responsible for the activities their young kid
commit
Correct subject-verb agreement
commits
show examples
 as he may tend to do
such
Linking Words
 deeds naturally, neglecting his family's teachings.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, forcing
parents
Use synonyms
 to have more responsibilities towards their children will not help in mitigating the troubles of disorderly conduct and
theft
Punctuation problem
theft,
show examples
 as young individuals are more influenced by their friends of similar age than their
parents
Use synonyms
' upbringing. To fortify
further
Linking Words
, being innocent at home in front of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family members does not ensure that those children do not get involved in malicious acts in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Any bad individual in the friend circle will drag the whole group to
such
Linking Words
 deeds by attracting others with false promises. In conclusion, I still
withstand
Verb problem
stand
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 my view of total disagreement because inclination towards crime can be an innate interest.
Also
Linking Words
, the
parents
Use synonyms
 do not influence their kids as their friends do to commit evil work.

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task achievement
Provide clearer examples to support your points. For instance, you might mention specific cases or studies where peer influence leads to criminal behavior.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. You can use linking words like 'also', 'furthermore', or 'on the other hand' to improve connections.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen your introduction with a clear statement of your opinion and include a brief overview of your main points to guide the reader.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion in the introduction. This helps the reader understand your stance on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively restates your disagreement and sums up your main argument. This gives a nice ending to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • accountability
  • upbringing
  • supervision
  • guidance
  • vigilant
  • monitoring
  • deterrent
  • societal rules
  • peer pressure
  • societal influences
  • penalizing
  • genuinely
  • circumstances
  • correcting misconduct
  • counseling
  • support system
  • external factors
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